Retsgip’s Anime Blog

Darkshaunz is freaked out by Mushroom People (not Sporregar)

Score: 8.8/10

After a chain of four or so exciting, rowdy and intense boobtacular combat, it was time that the series took a small breather. It has been postulated that the human male brain can only take so much cleavage and cleaving before it explodes into a pool of caffeinated whiskey (May not be an actual scientific hypothesis). But the series still maintains animation quality and the pristine features of our battle vixens remains. However, it’s taking a slight pitstop for plot elements. Its ironic that a series which isn’t heavily reliant on plot devices has to do this, but its a must, Bounce and Bashing will only last as a novelty for so long (Plus plot advancement means more reasons for them to get naked). So let’s check in and see whats for the takings.

Schools in Japan are populated by big-racked and sexy girls.

Someone set us up the Dragon Jade.

Lets totally play soccer with it!

We’re taken to Ryuubi’s school, where Kan-U is talking to her master in the background, deciding the fate of the reincarnated three kingdom’s heroes, The Dragon Ball and when she is going to the school op shop to replace her two-sizes-too-small school uniform. My favourite part of this scene narration is where the anime camera just pans along and shows us healthy and hot female students trodding along school, it was pointless and served no purpose to describe the important plot event. But hey, its girls in really short skirts and gym bloomers, who gives a shit? Then our eyes are then taken back to the Dragon Jade (more like Ball), where I keep having flashbacks to Freeza on Namek looking like a sex predator at the eight dragon balls, I always thought Freeza was a woman too, because of the voice (That trappy alien bastard).

The one time the camera fails me (c’mon pantsu shot!)

“Lol omg, did u hear? Kan-U went 2 a lvl 99 place with no healer! wut a n00blar”

Kan-U in the Jungle of Doom

I am looking at two things in this picture, and its not her ears.

So, now that they have the Dragon Ball, I guess they have to get the other seven to summon Shenron for a wish. Not really, in Ikkitousen, this Ball gives the power to change the horrifying destiny of one of the Dragon-bearers (I don’t know what it is yet, but if people are dying for it, must be one hell of a fate). Ewok-sensei, who seems to be more interested in sipping his ricewine, describes to Kan-U that in order to change the destiny of Ryuubi (Glasses girl), “There must be a guide strong enough”. Kan-U, who’s rack alone could break my skull, took offense to this. Like all anime characters which have had their ego raked, she must go to some Godless place with Indiana Jones-calibre Temple of Doom traps, in order to “Prove Herself Worthy”. Ryuubi learns of Kan-U’s plot to change her destiny by chancing the Grim Reaper’s Scythe, and she too is inspired to go to support Kan-U. Mind you, I’d rather tape myself with C-4 and wave around a match (and it will still be safer).

Anime. Making eating chips look orgasm-worthy and epic since Death Note.

The Meeting with ET

I’d Extra her Terrestial.

Viewers are then taken to Kan-U’s current situation, which is the Godless Jungle where even the Rabbits want to kill you and take your soul to the lowest chasms of Hell. Despite the horrifying magical barriers ringing the forest, there is also a freaky looking Mushroom-loving old man who looks like his forehead could receive satellite television. One may question what an old man is doing in a Dangerous jungle picking up mushrooms casually, but then I remembered, this is anime. In anime, old people do all sorts of amazing things, like Pilot Space Battlecruisers and Shunpo from house to house stealing underwear (Oh Ranma 1/2!). Alien Old Man, or “ET” as I have come to call him (we love naming characters here), is apparently one of the guardians of Ryuubi and he must test Kan-U’s strength. The problem is that ET is apparently is a lot more skilled than Kan-U, and demonstrates this by moving at 1 frame per second and pointing at Kan-U, causing a white and bright light to invade her mind. I am not sure what kind of bullshit hacks this old man is pulling, but it smells badly of a CS 1.6 speedhack.

It is Delicious Wild Mushroom, you must eat it.

“Screw your Hot Boobs! I have a Mushroom!”

Jungles will kill you, and take your clothes

Its only been 2 minutes in the jungle and she’s already orgasming.

Do not worry! Reinforcements have arrived in the form of a total klutz and a Fang-tan clone, I can imagine the Forest quaking in it’s roots just that the mere presence of these two. Ryuubi is required to fall over something easily avoidable, like a rock or something, so she can blush and make hot groaning noises. I don’t mind this at all, but she should have tripped over something less obvious, there’s a fine line between “Moe” and “Utter fucking Retardation”. Nevermind, to equalize her klutziness is Chou-chan, whose slanted accent and delicious rack has served her well in the series, unlike her Glasses-wearing compatriot, she is actually capable of doing some damage. The opportunity presents itself in the form of a Bald Monk who is also out collecting mushrooms, or flowers, whatever, I have no idea what Crazy Jungle Monks/Old Hermits do anyway. Chou-chan beckons Ryuubi to flee and find a safe place where she won’t trip and smash her face. Back to Kan-U now, and it seems that the old man wasn’t using speedhacks, but Mushroom poisons, this causes Kan-U to salivate, blush and cry a lot. I was crying and salivating too, in my pants.

OBJECTION!!!!

No Objection here.

Just when things were looking extremely hopeless for our battle maiden, she swiftly stands up and charges her Green-Saiyan-Aura. Whilst the Alien old man was too busy trying to pick out the colour of her undergarments (or lack of), he was shocked to find Kan-U doing a full Teleport-Roundhouse kick on his frail old face. Her attack can be described as a Diablo II Assassin’s Dragon Tail finishing move combined with the Sorceress Class’ Teleportation skill. So basically, there is absolutely no way to anticipate it and no way to defend against its destructive power. Here I was thinking the old man’s mushroom poison gas trick was a bit too overpowered.

I spent more time capping this shot than writing the above passage.

The last thing you see before you die (yeah right, I wish).

Crouching Dragon = Fishing Loli (It was all a Huge Lie)

Loli loev Fishing.

We are then taken back to Ryuubi, who seems to have found the Real “Crouching Dragon” by accident. The Dragon happens to be a very young girl, and she isn’t doing a lot of crouching, I think they need to call her “Fishing Loli” instead. Yes, I know she’s meant to be Zhuge Liang, the Chinese Strategist known as the “Sleeping Dragon”. To the little girl’s credit though, she was reeling in a Lake Dragon, because in Japan fishing for FISH is for losers, you either fish for a Dragon, a Gundam or a Tentacle Monster or get the hell out. As one would have guessed, successfully catching a dragon is more than just rotating the reel and posing for the anglers weekly publication. It’s a Goddamned Dragon, and so instead of reeling, the little girl was reeled into her watery grave (or did she?), as usual Ryuubi tries to play hero to save the little girl and ends up blacking out, only to find herself in the hut of the Mushroom Alien Old Man and the Bald Jungle Monk. Kan-U wakes up along with Chou-chan who find themselves utterly exhausted from their previous combat engagements, partially paralyzed, and partially clothed too for that matter. The best part of this section was Chou-chan collapsing back to her bed, where her massive jugs looked like there were about to spill from her robe.

Xtreme!!! Fishing.

Breast number one to Breast number two: “Quick! lets make a break for it!”

Ikkitousen: Yuri Destiny

Hot Girl on Girl Action.

The only thing missing from making this episode even more sexually coated would be lesbian messages, and we are delivered it towards the end of the episode. It starts with the introduction of a relatively disturbing love triangle, where the Green-haired Loli outwardly claims that Ryuubi is hers, and this proceeds to making Kan-U irked and troubled. A Love triangle involving a complete Klutz, a Hot babe and a Girl who probrably thinks love is a type of candy or barbie doll costume, well I am guessing this might not turn out so well (just a slight hunch). The Bald Crazy Jungle Monk is instructed to do the laundry for the three delicious babes in their stead, and to his bewilderment and embarassment, he holds up one of their panties. He looked at them with such embarassment and anxiety that I was beginning to think that he was going to “sniff” it, I mean he IS a lonely Jungle Monk in some Terrifying jungle, not often you get what could possibly be the three hottest things landing on your front porch everyday. I also like how this part of the episode has a naked Ryuubi getting her breasts poked by the Green haired loli (Its an important plot event, guys).

Christian Dior sure is upping the ante on those blushers.

Loli loev Fishing and playing with Boobs.

The Klutz, The Fang, The Loli and The Babe

“Guys, lets go on an adventure together! It’ll be Fun! Fun I tells ya!”

After a Hard day’s battle in a Dark and foreboding forest, it was time for the maidens to leave the hospitality of the Alien Old Man and Crazy Jungle Monk to a greater destiny involving the Dragon Ball. Who would have thought that one Dragon Ball would cause such a ruckus? I can’t even begin to imagine if the Ikkitousen Dragon Destiny universe had like eight Dragon Balls, who knows what will happen (I am guessing people would be dying every second of the day). Apparently, even the loli is following Ryuubi’s posse back to the school or something, I kind of missed what was happening in the story because as you know, my mind is in the gutter when it comes to Ikkitousen. What I do know is, that they are not going to Mordor to destroy the cursed one ring (I think we can leave that for another anime). Also, the old alien man accuses the loli of having “vicious schemes” in front of her new travel mates, what a great way of generating confidence and trust amongst her newly found friends! I think the oldie may ben under the influence of those shrooms he’s been picking in the forest.

Got Tsundere? Kan-U does.

Way to go, Alien Old Man, dont reveal too much about the Loli Invasion plan now.

Meanwhile, back in Tokyo, it seems that trouble is’a brewing with the Nanyo Academy being framed by what looks like a plotting and shady individual or organization (completely nefarious!). Slutty Glasses girl returns to the fray as an independent agent, but somehow she has roped in the deadly femme fatale, Cheongsam-chan into her plans. I have no idea what the two are up to, but I am betting it’s not a relaxing tour of the latest shopping mall. Thanks for stopping by for yet another semi-ridiculous and semi-plot relevant dunking in of Ikkitousen. It’s been a sweet ride so far and I don’t think I’ll be getting off this horse anytime soon (No beastiality jokes please). Join us next week for another exciting installment of Lord of the Balls.

Cheongsam-chan signalling for a Threesome. I am so in.

Cheers,

Darkshaunz