Retsgip’s Anime Blog

When enticing fantasy becomes gritty reality

We’ve all imagined it, we’ve all dreamed of it. The thought of entering another dimension unlike our own, tasting, feeling and breathing the air of another space-time belonging to our biggest passion. The world of anime is the stuff of fantasy, and we’ve always dreamt of shaking hands with Frieza or dating Haruhi. Just like in Zero no Tsukaima, a young man walks into a dimension of magic and delicious flat chest, but its not all fun and games. What if you’re transported into the dimension of anime? Will you be able to survive?

The Scenario

You’re an ordinary boy or girl

You’re a strapping young lad or lass, you’re pretty well versed in anime and know your tsundere from your silent-type moes. Whilst strolling out to get some groceries and/or the latest issue of Megami, you notice a disturbing and static-scraping sound from the alleyway down at main street. Curiosity gets the better of you and you find yourself staring down the back alley between your local chinese takeaway and the bakery, staring at a swirling black, red and purple space. The neighbourhood stray cats don’t seem to notice the irritating noise and portal at the dead end of the alleyway. In fact, even the restaurant waiter taking out the garbage also doesn’t seem to notice it. It’s the cliche’d step in for your adventure of your lifetime scenario, but it beats the regular routine of watching the Lucky Channel or hoping another chick from Claymore goes batshit doesn’t it?

Curiosity killed the cat. Satisfaction revived it.

Your fingers reach into swirling mass of disturbing static, and your eyes nervously look to the black cat on top of the garbage can, as some sort of assurance that you’re not going absolutely fucking insane. The Black cat looks at you with the same arrogance all felines do and proceeds to evacuate the area. A passing thought crosses through your mind, “Yoruichi-san?”….”Naw, it can’t be”. Your body glides into the portal of mystery and you experience the sensation of pulling and cutting rush through every inch of your body. The transition into the anime world isn’t very pleasant, perhaps it’s worth it just to hug your favourite anime character or flash your middle finger at Viral? We’ll see.

The Lobby

J-J-Jam it In!!!

You find yourself opening your eyes to a hall of marble and granite. The whole hall has been shaped by some plot-haxed character which you’ll never know he or she is. There are various portals scattered across the hall, but only one portal is currently active. The complex is quite big and looks like some kind of cave-mansion. It’s well lit with weird looking chandeliers. There’s one major difference, you’re a cel-shade. You’re a hybrid between a three dimensional mesh and the pen-and-ink variety. The whole place is a weird 3d/2d mix, you’d like to look around more. But you see the sign above the portal and you heart is pusling. You want to dive into the anime universe, don’t you? Maybe power up with Vegeta or act all grown up and hardcore around Seinen characters, or even hug those cute girls in the Shoujo region of the ani-verse.

The Cel Shade, our take on the 3d/2d hybrid.

There is something you must know, and you find yourself looking at a large marble rock with the rules of the Lobby imprinted. You must choose Seven items and/or skills of anime-origin on your anime fantasy adventure, they can be personified items, but not actual anime characters (sorry, you won’t be having a Vegeta escort)….and in addition, you merely need to announce them in voice for them to appear. “Fuck Yeah!”, you think to yourself. However, before you order a Gundam, you read an important message; “Portal Visiting will last one week maximum before it opens again in the next lunar cycle, visitors who find themselves killed in the ani-verse before transitioning back to the world of creators during the one-week interval will forever cease to exist in the minds of the creator-beings”. Your face distorts into concern, all good things which are too good to be true are usually lethal, and you know this now. You have seven items/skills to choose on your one week adventure.

Don’t Panic, I’ve some ideas.

You gotta fight to survive. Even in your own fantasy.

Seven items and/or skills, those are the things that has you thinking. Seven essential items and skills to not only allow you to survive the anime universe, but also to help combat the various forms of evil which exist in their dimension. There’s a lot of cool and good shit, but the bad guys in anime can give any of us a run for our money. Unless you’ve got anime-related life insurance, we here at Retsgip anime blog, will prepare you for that day which you find yourself stepping into the realm of magic, malice and moe. You may only choose the seven once, and after you’ve chosen them, you will be moved through the anime portal to live your fantasy for a week’s worth of doing whatever you want in the anime-verse…IF you choose the right items. You notice that the size of the item is not a restriction, perhaps we should take advantage of that?

Extremely bendable parts are not a skill you’d really use. It’s fucking cool though.

Firstly, we must assume, by the intimidating life-warning, that you will be doing some fighting in the anime universe. You must also assume that your vacation might turn into a nightmare, and that the money in your pocket is probrably useless in the different currencies and monies of different anime series in the ani-verse. Let’s have a look at some of the items and skills which I think will aid you in not only SURVIVING the ordeal (sadly it may become one), but perhaps also enjoying and even accomplishing whatever sexual or GAR fantasy you’ve always had. Its bittersweet to think that you’d have to work so hard to enjoy a fantasy you’ve cooked up in your head. Such is the way of the universe.

Item number one - The Gigai Pill Dispenser [Utility / Combat Item]

Da Pyon~

According to the rules “You” will be moved through the portal once you’ve chosen seven. That you probrably means your conscious and the vessel you moved in (your body). Your physical body should be your main concern in this. Bleach’s gigai “Chappy” pill will not only allow you to move around the anime world virtually undetected, but also scores double by providing you with your own Zanpaktou. Play smart, you can only choose seven items and skills, but if you choose the Gigai pill, you get your own set of robes and a nifty magical soul-cutter. Two for one? I’d dig it. Your physical body will remain in “The Lobby”, where no harm can be done to it, and where it can do no harm. Kind of like parking your car at the airport, if you so wish. The Gigai pill dispenser is a no-brainer if you’re a rabid Bleach fan like us here at Retsgip anime blog.

Oh, just a note. You won’t have any idea what the name of your Zanpaktou is, so unless you want to waste your week training to achieve shikai, I’d recommend using at as a form of primary melee defence against evil anime spirits. As you’d expect, you’d be a shinigami and some of the anime nasties might want to taste your blood. With good, comes the bad eh?

Item number two - Doraemon’s Pouch [Utility Item]

Not Pictured: His ACTUAL Pouch

Small, soft and has unlimited space. Doraemon’s Pouch dazzled me when I was a young boy, how can something so small be so freakin’ awesome? Well, it may save your life this time around. Doraemon’s pouch is two-way, you can store and retrieve items of note all the same. I know what some of you are thinking, and yes, if you know of Doraemon’s items, you can retrieve them yourself from the pouch. Doraemon has some nifty items like a Magnifier/Shrinker torchlight and a helicopter bandana….but you can only retrieve them if you know the names of the items. I’d like to add that if you know your Doraemon, then you also know the risks which come with using these wonderful items from his pouch. You might be safer and better off just using his pouch as a storage device. Then again, its hard to resist shrinking yourself to stare up the panties of an anime schoolgirl no? :p

Item number three - Senzu Beans [Utility Item]

DB5L, no idea what that is. Ask Google images.

Preparing for inevitable fights is a great concept, it helps improve your survival rate, but importantly, let’s think post-battle. You’ve managed to fend off a crazy anime spirit, hollow or a Class-D demon from YuyuHakusho, and you may be in some kind of damage. Albeit, it’s not your real physical body because that’s in “The Lobby”, but your spirit form still exhibits pain and tear. If you get attacked in your first day and get ripped up, that’s six days of suffering or…bleeding to death. Not to fear, order up a sack of senzu beans. These usually come in packs in four or five, depending on the Cat-guardian’s harvest. They instantly heal your wounds and increase your spirit pressure and power temporarily, with no harmful side effects to your soul. Plus, with Doraemon’s pouch, you could use the Cloning machine to clone more senzu beans, the amount you need depending on which region of the anime universe you’d be visiting. The senzu bean is indispensable after-combat or mid-combat, as you only need to bite it once and swallow for it to take full effect.

Item number four - Master Ball [Combat Item]

GO!!! Use Fire Blast!!! Whatever the heck you are.

Do I hear some cheeky smirks or maybe a giggle? Pokemon is indeed an anime, and judging by the latest events in the Diamond and Pearl series, there are over 900-I mean 400 of them running around the anime universe. You’re bound to meet a wild Pokemon during your adventures throughout the anime-universe’s Johto, Kanto or Sinnoh regions (which are all based on real life Japan topography). The Master Ball’s main draw is that it has a 100% capture rate, so whatever Pokemon you ditch this ball at, it will catch it no matter what. You’d need over 400 balls (lol balls are touching) to become a Pokemon master, so if your dream is to a Pokemon master, I’d suggest doing it on your Nintendo DS and not waste your one week of precious time wanting to be the very best, like noone ever was. Pokemon which I’d recommend catching are those cool flying legendaries of Mewtwo, the psychic legendary which can throw dark energy deathballs which would make most Shounen villains cry home to mummy. Like the senzu beans, you can clone the master ballz with Doraemon’s cloning machine. But if it backfires, you will lose your balls (lol) and the original. So do you clone the Pokeball or do you choose your Pokemon candidate VERY carefully? (decisions, decisions!).

Item number five - The Death Note [Just as Planned Item]

Light eyes Mellow, who wants to NOM NOM NOM his pretty face.

Now that, we’ve settled some of the primary needs, lets have a bit of fun shall we? Of course, when I say fun, usually it has something to do with activities which are devious in nature. The Death Note is another one of those two in one deals, get the Death Note, and get your own shinigami. Here’s the awesome combo part, you getting a free companion (who may or may not like apples) is one thing, but the thing is; you are technically dead. So if you’ve always been wishing to kill the baddies easily (or goodies), then go for the death god eyes deal with your monstrous chum. It will cut your lifespan severely, but think about it….He’s taking away half from unlimited (you can’t die from old age anyway), which still equates to unlimited. Make sure you remember to have a crazed red-eyes look on your face whenever you jot down somebody’s name on the desu note, and also giggle maniacally (that or eat chips like King Leonidas would). Kira would be proud of you.

Item number six - Instant Transmission [Skill]

Krillin can fly, but he can’t do Instant Transmission like Goku can.

King Kai bestowed all kinds of awesome combat techniques to Son Goku in Dragon Ball Z, Kaioken and training with a lot of weights under extreme gravity was just part of the buffet. The one major technique which I think is going to assist you in your anime adventure is Instant Translocation. As a Shinigami, you can move pretty fast, but the anime universe is a fucking huge place. Some anime places are different dimensions altogether, and even if you are travelling as a corporeal form, can still take ages to reach. By announcing you want this technique, you have been granted instant travel across anywhere you put your mind to. The only physical thing you need to do is put a couple of fingers on your forehead and click your mind to reach Kansas. Aside from being a transportation boon, this technique may also be extremely useful durig life-threatening situations. You may be a Sniper-Rifle and Death-Note wielding Soul Reaper, but even that is note enough power to withstand a lot of shit, so it’s a great thing to have when you just have to haul ass. Don’t forget, if you want to bring somebody along to another magical place, you have to put your hand on them.

Item number seven - Kage Bunshin no Jutsu [Skill]

Naruto learnt quickly that “Who farted” jokes just don’t cut it in these circumstances.

There’s something about large numbers, somehow you can accomplish more with replicates of yourself by just one of you. This Naruto technique itself isn’t super special awesome, but it’s utility and usefulness in a survival and to a limited extent, combat, should be appreciated. Your replica will communicate to you through instant telepathy what’s ahead if you want to scout, because well, that’s you (Gosh, I wonder how the ninjas in Naruto keep track of this shit). Besides being useful for scouting, the jutsu is also great if you want to replicate yourself with a certain item (besides the fact that you’ve got Doraemon’s Dodgy cloning machine), so that’s another combo of item and technique you should not forget. If you’ve always appreciated the strategic approach to tackling a problem, it won’t be so difficult when you’ve got yourselves to depend on. After all, Great minds think alike no?

What would YOU bring?

Your selection will determine life or death, enjoyment or terror on your fantastic adventure.

Five primary items and two secondary skills are all it takes for you to have a safe, exciting and otherwise utility-heavy trip in whatever fantasy you wish to have. However, like all recommendations, a lot of things may have been overlooked. I’m a combat-strategic kind of thinker, well mostly because I’m a guy and we like chopping shit up and stuff, so a lot of my survival kits will involve some form of combat considerations. I know a lot of my readers aren’t into the war-mania, and so I’d love to hear what you guys would bring into the ani-verse. Will you choose Seven Items? Will you choose Seven Skills? Or will you do what I’ve done and mix and match? It’s a fantastical one in a ten billion trillion, but it’s scientific fact that there exists a place where, according to the multiverse theory, there’s someone out there who is us, but looks all anime-y.

In some weird universe, Rets and I could end up looking like this. Screw it-*starts fapping*

Remember, despite what anyone tells you, Anime IS Serious Business. You’ll be the one laughing as you instant flash around the anime world as a Death-Note holding Shinigami with a Level 99 Mewtwo in your master ball. The Joke’s on them. Now, if you would excuse me, I’ve been hearing an annoying crackle downstairs since I started writing this entry. Should be nothing.

Cheers,

Darkshaunz