Retsgip’s Anime Blog

Darkshaunz wants Bleach, not cake

Score: 5.0/10 (Hanatarou saves this from a total catastrophe)

What the hell happened here? You know something is wrong when they have to bring in Yamada Hanatarou in to save a Bleach episode from failing this way to Moscow. Do you see the five points up there? It’s all thanks to Hanatarou. The other missing five points is from the uber-faggotry we would all love to call the current fillers of Bleach. It’s not even a filler arc, and fails miserably when compared to what looks like a massively superior Bounto arc. Whilst episode 133 was done exceptionally well for a Filler, 134 and 135 looks to deliver yet more failburgers.

“Yes, yes, hurry up old man, my liutenant and I have some special time soon”

So the episode begins in Soul Society with the Captain-commander and Orochimaru talking to each other. At this point, I’m thinking, “Yeah! old man captain badass and mad-doc orochimaru must mean at least a watchable episode”. Unfortunately, like all factors in Bleach fillers, the good parts never last long at all. After a brief command to research a way to get limiter release authentication quickly, Mayuri proceeds to throw the papers at his research team. Even Mayuri looks so frustrated and bored at this point, it was foreshadowing the tiresome crap which would soon follow. You’d think a badass genius like Mayuri would have cool looking subordinates, but most of his crew look like circus freaks. Except for Gon, the horned researcher, he actually looks kind of cool. I’m only saying this because the Freakish Blob of a guy next to him looks like he wants to have viewers for breakfast.

No cakes in Soul Society, but plenty of McDonald’s it seems.

Even Gon can’t take this shit, so he asks for one of his subordinates (lol managerial delegation for the win). The person who volunteers is Tsubokura, who looks like Hanatarou with a girly hairstyle and almost as much attitude as an Earthworm. I apologize for grouping Earthworms (truly awesome creatures) with this pathetic cake-hugging goofball. Why couldn’t they have sent someone with boobs to rival Matsumoto’s instead? Then that way, I can try not to cry about filler because I have distraction tits to worry about. Tsubokura’s very excited to come to our world guys, because we have cake. That’s right, despite having the most powerful spiritual beings in another dimension alongside Hueco Mondo, they could not research their way into developing a cake. That makes all of my readers who can make a cake instantly superior to those cakeless bastards, way to go guys and gals. Next time you eat a cake, eat it with a “So Good” face.

Cake! Cake! Cake! Reminds me of Hina Ichigo from Rozen Maiden.

Hi there, now please die.

Yumichika is assigned by Urahara to take care of the Cake hippie and Hanatarou. Apparently because he is the most “idle”. Yumichika is slightly offended by this, who wouldn’t? Captain Shota-chan~ is playing soccer with Ichigo’s loli sister (Oh that player), Matsumoto is still shopping for that elusive bra which can cope with her massive chest and Ikkaku is too busy playing Kendo with the local high school. As far as I am concerned, these guys just couldn’t give two shits that come Winter, the Espada gang will come in like a torrent of vikings out to loot, rape and pillage the living shit out of Karakura town. I know its Fillers, but is it so difficult to inject some urgency or concern (fake as it may be), or even some realization that these chaps need to train so they actually stand a chance against the Arrancar army. Obviously I don’t know what I am talking about, so lets go make a fucking cake.

Buttsecks tiem.

NOM NOM NOM Delicious cookies.

Yumichika brings them to the crater where Vegeta and Nappa landed and Tsubokura uses this weird machine to take some energy readings on the ground, for what purpose, I have yet to find out. Apparently by using the machine, they can use the information to speed up the limiter release process. After a hard 2 minute’s work, it was time for Tsubokura to pig out on a cake, so he proceeds to entering a cake shop. Tsubokura doesn’t seem to care that in a couple of months he might just die when the gates of Hueco Mondo flood with Arrancar, hence why should we? There, they meet Heita, an Earth-bound spirit who will no doubt beguile us with his tear-inducing story of spiritual attachment to our realm, which has absolutely nothing to do with the main storyline (I can tell you are all getting excited).

It will rape your lolis.

Yumichika can’t stand this filler shit as well.

The story goes a bit like this, Heita is a cake maker (OH GOD, REALLY!?) and he got run over right at the front of his store. Ever since, his mother has been praying for his soul, but she’s lost some weight or something. Then, he heard news that his mother was going to stay with his aunt somewhere else to look after herself. He says that he is glad, but of course he isn’t. He has but one wish. Can you guess what that wish is guys? Yes that’s right, he wants Yumichika to perform the soul burial so this filler shit can end once and for all, and I can see my sweet, dear Rukia once more. Hahaha, no. He wants a highly skilled death god, a cake hippie and a legendary medic to make a cake for him. Awsum, I simply can’t wait! I wonder what kind of delicious confectionary will appear from within the burning, passionate souls of these young death gods!

A recipe for disaster.

Yes! This entire episode is the problem!

If a stranger asked you to bake a cake for him, naturally you would say, “Bake a cake for a complete stranger who’s sob story has touched my heart? Of course I will!”, just like Yumichika and gang gleefully agreed to (facepalm). Urahara, who also seems to be a cake-fetishist, Refurnished his entire kitchen for this episode specially. The kitchen looked really nice, I mean it, but it was just like I was watching a Home Improvement show coupled with Marie Jane’s Cooking Hour. As your mind is taking in the nice-looking and spacious kitchen, you suddenly realize, “wait a goddamn second. This is Bleach. It’s not Home Improvement or the Cooking Hour”. That’s what you think, as we get to spend ten minutes watching the gang create a cake as their new overlord Heita slaves them into shape.

Well done Urahara, good to see you’re concerned about the Winter War too.

Does my head look fat in this?

I’m glad someone finds this shit funny.

ZZZzzzZZzZZZ-*wuh*. Oh, where were we then. Right, they finish the cake and give it to Renji and Chad to taste test, but it tasted like shit (representative of the episode I guess). So they had to redo it over and over. I guess you could say the constant remaking of the cake was like taking my face and then dragging it over a wall of nails dipped in sulphuric acid. I’m lying, I’d rather drag my own face through an acid-nail wall rather than put up with this shit. Also, tomorrow would be the last day that Heita’s mother will pay her respects at that shop before she moves. Apparently, this new sense of urgent drama will spur us into viewer-attention. I don’t think so. However, this did spur the rest of the gang to “GAMBATTE NE~ ^_~!!!” themselves into super-hyper-kawaii-enthusiasm mode. To nobody’s surprise the cake-making team went from super-suck to super-delicious in a space of one episode.

“Renji-san, Sado-san, why are you two bleeding from your ears, eyes and mouths?

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

Time to “Cream” the opposition.

Upon presenting the cake to Heita’s mother. She is touched by their efforts, but rejects the fruits of their labour as she is reminded of her dead son everytime she sees a cake (awww). This “awww” moment leads to a battle of the century when Heita proceeds to snap like a twig and go absolutely insane on his mother. His chain-heart starts to burn up in hatred and frustration and he ends up lasso-ing his own mother in some kind of twisted tantrum. As he spins out of control, unleashing all his reiatsu, a Menos Grande appears out of nowhere. What’s with this things lately? Is it a Menos Grande Happy Fair or something? There used to be a time when they did not just randomly pop like fleas in a dog. Yumichika goes off to defend against it whilst protecting the cake (haha). Hanatarou absorbs Heita’s hatred using his pain-leeching Zanpaktou and then unleashes it’s energy in one massive wave. Although Yumichika landed the finishing the blow, you can’t help but feel it was all Hanatarou at that moment.

Heita missed out on his PS3 that launch night. It did not end well.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Hanatarou serves it up hardcore.

Crisis averted, cake was saved, mother meets son’s soul and has some delicious cake. Everyone in the episode seemed so content and pleased with their efforts thus far. There was much joy, happiness and touching sentiments as Heita could finally move on and his mother would never be so scared shitless to see a cake again. Ahhh, it was the perfect ending, really it was (there was even the tears and all). Plus we got to see Hanatarou’s shikai release once more, aside from the time we saw it in Shinigami Illustrated segment, so we can’t complain right apparently. Chalk one up for Bleach’s most awesome medic, and Scratch one for the hopes of any acceptable Bleach filler in the coming weeks.

You got the touch. You got the POWERRR!

Not so Grande now are we?

Look at our fanbase plummet Hanatarou!

As you may have imagined, I wasn’t impressed at all and I looked at my computer clock, I wondered where my 24 minutes went. The next episode preview looks like even more failure (I did not know this possible), so looks like I will just download that one and leave it sitting on my hard drive for completion. I know I may seem supremely biased because there’s no Rukia around (even in the manga for the moment), but watching Ichigo get smashed by Hiyori’s lolicious legs pleases me more than watching a combat team make a goddamn cake.

I am a lot like Kon at the moment. People just don’t understand our pain.

Cheers,

Darkshaunz