Retsgip’s Anime Blog

Fuck Yeah Anime.

To understand where I am coming from, you must understand that I recently read this article. I come from Western Australia where we are totally more awesome than East Australia, where Lupus is from. Here in WA, we play the same things as most Aussies love, Cricket, Footy and sometimes Basketball. But unlike Lupus’s society, everyone here loves anime and thinks that it fucking owns everything else, we even give weaaboo nick names to our players, like “Drirru-kikku-breakaa-chan~”. As proof, I asked a neighbour of mine who had a kid in grade school. I asked him whether he liked Dragon Ball Z, he said, “YEAAH!!” with more enthusiasm than a guy getting laid for the first time. That is infallable proof of the millenium that kicks more ass than the US military, don’t even try to debunk it.

Only anime fans would ever think of giving birth to such a beautiful creature.

Why anime owns so freaking hard can be easily summed up in 2 assumptions:

1) The characters in anime have enough firepower to destroy the universe, 32 times over.

2) The girls will make you fap till you go blind, Im fapping as I am typing this.

Zettai Ryouki AND Swords? I can barely handle my senses going out of control.

It panders to people’s sexual desires - Nekomimi maids, Office ladies in glasses, Stocking-wearing High school girls and Swimsuit episodes all give us boners. You don’t find these things in real life, which is why you go to anime. If I saw a Nekomimi maid in my house, I would call the fucking cops, Thank God they don’t exist in real life. I don’t hear of Zettai Ryouki in real life, but NASA Symmetrically docks shuttles to the ISS on missions in real life all the time. Oh God Space Shuttles are HOT.

It is a sign of great intelligence - Anime has a lot of hidden life messages. For example, in Pokemon, we are taught that if you have a Electrical rat following you around, you will win any goddamned tournament you go in, regardless of how massively superior the opponent’s pokemon are. In Evangelion, we learn that you should always tap that Tsundere redhead before crying in the corner of the basement and in Black Lagoon, Revy teaches us that REAL girls don’t need to wear panties. I could list all the awesome, meaningul, and profoundly wise things that anime teaches us, but that would take too long (like this sentence).

Anime IS largely targeted at Awesome people - Do you watch anime? Chances are, you are fucking awesome, in more ways than one. I don’t know if this entry is worthy of your eyes, fellow anime fan, because we are so goddamned amazing. I went to Borders over the weekend, and they have a manga section there. A few dudes who were there around my age started talking how the Naruto manga could be downloaded online, and one guy said, “I took beginner ninjutsu when I was younger”. I was like, “Holy shit, Im standing like, Opposite to a REAL Ninja”. I was so nervous, should I have asked him for an autograph or something? His awesome aura kind of hit me (I was in the Shoujo-Ai section, of course, its what REAL MEN read). This is just one real example of how superb Anime fans really are, maybe one day you will be as lucky (and ridiculously good looking) as I am.

There is no image macro for the amount of manly tears I am shedding for this amazing anime-related picture.

Thank God for Hentai - I wouldn’t want to pretend this shit doesn’t exist, because I need it. For truly awesome and dedicated anime fans reading this, you SHOULD have a lot of doujins with your favourite character(s) in it or you need to hand over your otaku badge and jump off the nearest skyscraper. Do you see that Hentai Folder in your Personal folder? It is your badge of honour, like a Tank Commander which paints every time he scores a kill, you should do the same. Spray the white paint, if you know what I mean. I like Hentai, especially G-Spot Express (its hot), and some make me laugh even before I can reach for the tissues, and even if I do, I end up wiping the tears from laughing too hard. Maybe I should mail it to Lupus (G-Spot Express, not the tissues).

Reality is constructed through your perceptions. And since you are fucking awesome, this becomes even more true. If enough of society can’t get over how bloody dedicated and passionate you are over cartoon porn targeted at kids (clearly the demographic in question), then everyone from your local grocer to the Prime Minister will start jerking off to Hentai. You can make a difference, I Believe in you.

This girl made my Rukia in real life dreams come true.

Then there are the awesome perceptions attached to anime watching, that comes from not the perception of the medium itself, but the perception of how the community is. What do you think is the public face of the community? 3 things: conventions, the Internet, and Megami. These three things are as powerful as the Holy Trinity and if the Egyptians had these three things, the Pyramids would actually be one massive Kamina statue like the one in Kamina city, a symbol of Manliness and Power for all youths.

Conventions - I love Conventions, I’ve only been to one for like two hours, but I have convinced myself that they are the most awesome thing ever in the existence of man, besides beer. When I went to Wai-Con here in Perth, I met my first cosplayer, a wee Japanese lass cosplaying as Yachiru. Like some deranged Pedobear, I snapped pics of her and cackled maniacally, waving my sweet subject goodbye after thanking her for the pose. There’s something about dressing up as a character from a Japanese cartoon show, it takes balls and guts. I think its awesome, I was personally humbled that this girl had more balls than me, seeing as she acted very cool posing with her adorable pink wig and liutenant costume. Like a beaten up young man who was thrown out of a dojo, I left the convention swearing to increase my power level and become as manly and courageous as that girl….to protect those I love. She wasn’t the only one cosplaying, almost everyone was, and I just couldn’t handle the awesome factor, so much so I had to leave after a brief period of crying tears of joy and otaku pride. /salute

The Internet - Ha Ha! I am using the Internet. 4chan, Bleachfan, Narutofan, Animesuki, Gamefaqs and Gaiaonline have more users than the Char Mara Infested Colony has Zerglings, and we all love Zerglings. Recently 4chan has managed to portray anime fans as an “Internet Hate Machine” and it’s users as, “Hackers on Steroids”. Why are people complaining? Do you know how hard it is to be a hacker? You need to like train in the mountains for ten years, get your PhD and then run a Mafia joint to be even considered one. Let alone being one on Steroids (fucking, wow, I can’t believe the honour bestowed to us here). 4chan also came up with “DESU” spamming and FUCK YEAH SEAKING (Habeeb it). Screw schooling, I will just get my kids to troll 4chan everyday for their schooling years so they may achieve at least 1% of awesome eminating from those boards. I love you forever Internet.

Megami - I was sick of Ralph, FHM, Fuel and Playboy. Especially when some started including game reviews and shit. Like, if I wanted to know what Battlefield 2142 scored overall, I’d have bought PCGamer instead. It’s quite hard to fap to a Hover tank screenshot, but each to his own I guess (I am more of a Machinegun fetishist). Then there’s Megami, where you can look at all your favourite characters with more skin than an uncircumsized child (My eyes are getting blurry as I stroke myself to thinking of just one of the many posters available). At least in Megami, they get right down to business, none of this, “lol improve your manliness and livelihood” segments. If I wanted that shit, I would have subscribed to Homes and Gardens (a fine publication I might add), so Thank God for Megami posters for keeping me warm in these murderous wintery nights. If you don’t buy these regularly, you fail to quality for the super special awesome club, but it’s never too late to start.

A Manly Buffet of GAR, offered by my Simply Fabulous otaku friends!

And that, is the crux of my preaching from the Gospel of Fuck Yeah Anime!. You must be proud of your hobby, and everyone else that sees anime as something that only sick, immature and gay social recluses who escape reality by watching cartoon porn targeted at kids watch, should all be rounded up and be forced to watch the Power-up reruns of Goku on Namek as punishment (Justice will be served). Tell everyone you know that you watch anime and read manga, because they will automatically think you are the best thing to have ever occured in this bleak, crap and uninteresting world. Anime is the path that illuminates darkness, it is the seed which grows the fruit of unlimited win works and the sole reason why Yoda looks as he is…..c’mon now, you never noticed he was a Chibi? Even the master of the force thinks anime is awesome, you can’t disagree with that.

As I post this, my desk is full of anime trading figurines, anime DvDs, some food from two years ago and my University files. My Gundam is parked outside alongside with my Life-Sized Rei Ayanami Doll which I hug every morning before I go to University as a Hot-blooded academy pilot with dreams of marrying the girl next door and having three hot lolicious daughters. My fellow anime fans, you’re fucking awesome, I wish I could do more than just kiss your collective asses in this post, but all I can do is salute you. Also, Ha Ha! We are using the Internet guys! Isn’t the Internet the best thing ever? Fuck Yeah!

I leave you with Symmetrical Docking. Houston, we have a Boner.

Cheers,

Darkshaunz

PS: Lupus, see you online soon so I can cry about Bleach ch. 286, you amazing bastard you. Great original post, but I won’t kill myself just yet.

PPS: Rukia nee-san, where are you?