Retsgip’s Anime Blog

Darksha-What the fuck is this shit!?

Score: 2/10

This episode was a catastrophe. Except for maybe the OP and ED, but the whole episode left such a massive shitstain in my mind that I am convinced that even the two constants were tainted by the overall malfunction of the episode. There’s something to be said when [DB] has to openly apologize to the Bounto arc and demand their return, that’s just the magnitude of failure we are dealing with. Somehow, I pulled through the entire filler episode without haemmorhaging from my ass and eyes. There’s just enough of my braincells left to do this entry, let’s get it over with.

Writing about this was painful, I can’t imagine Subbing this.

It seems that Urahara is moving out of the shop to “seek supplies”, and he is taking Chad away, to have some Man-loving during their “supply trip”. It’s a good thing that Urahara was getting out of the area too, because if I heard that Bleach Filler Characters were arriving with their faggotry in full power, I would have evacuated my goddamned neighbourhood, in order to save my soon-to-be born children from sustaining brain damage (This one’s for you kids). In Bleach Filler terms, the removal of a Fighting/Awesome character from a certain place usually means that loser-head filler enemies will obviously attack the place with crap guardians, and the ownder returns to find it ruins. This then translates to the owner swearing revenge on whoever performed the act, hunting him down to the corners of the World. Haha yeah, as if Bleach fillers were even as remotely awesome as that.

Run Urahara, Run as far as you can.

Let’s get to Hueco Taco Bell now, and it seems that they are introducing the Failface which will be leading us on your AGONIZING journey of this “arrancar rebel arc”, otherwise known as, “What the fuck is this steaming pile of shit” arc. Failface, who’s actualy name is Patros (where do they come up with this?), looks like Mario the Plumber, I know this is an insult to our favourite Nintendo mascot, but it was the first thing that caught my mind when I saw his ugly face and surprisingly cool moustache. Since Patros doesn’t encompass how crap he is, let’s just call him Failface. Everyone loves Shiny things, especially when they hold enormous potential to make you a God-like being, the Ho-cube is one of those things. I know its the “Hogokyou” but Ho-cube sounds more ghetto, and therefore more badass. Failface wants to lick the Ho-cube, you can see it in his ugly eyes. But not if Ulquiorra can help it, the loyal servant of Aizen and top Espada will not stand for it!

The Ho-cube, the cause of every major Hueco Mondo fight.

“Its-a-me, FailFace!”

Excuse me wtf r u doin.

Failface is unhappy with Ulquiorra’s submissiveness to Aizen and feels that the Espada are overrated, and therefore should be scolded and spanked very many times. Ulquiorra remains unmoved as Failface tells him that the Arrancar are just Aizen’s guinea pigs, that he just using them. Well, Aizen could probrably use them as his 70’s hair gel if he wanted, its nothing new to us. Let’s recap, Ulquiorra is pretty much the Vegeta of Bleach at the moment, his power is at scouter breaking levels. So there’s absolutely no way that Failface could ever bring him down right? Wrong. So very wrong, Failface apparently enlisted the help of two very gay and shit looking henchmen….and they managed to bring Ulquiorra down. Yes, that’s right, one of the strongest Espada has just been brought down by random filler arrancars that look gayer than a night at the Mardi Gras. I nearly choked on the bottle of water I was drinking, I slid my Vlcplayer in disbelief and rewatched the whole thing again. It wasn’t an illusion, to my (and every Bleach fan’s) disgust.

He Came.

I don’t really need a caption for this one.

Fuck off, seriously.

Naturally, it was time to swipe the Ho-cube after taking out an ESPADA with their really sissy-like attacks. Seriously, there wasn’t any ceros or releases or anything, Ulquiorra was raped by attacks that even Kon could pull off without any trouble. In fact, you, my dear reader, could probrably disembowel an Espada at their current level of power (see: negative nine thousand). After some blabbing that I don’t remember, the three clowns arrive at Karakura town. Failface gets his two rebel arrancar to “deal” with Histugaya’s attachment of Shinigami. One of his henchmen, who I call “Shameless Fag” because his entire crotch section is about to burst open from his arrancar robes, calls Hitsugaya and his team, “Lame”. It was the ultimate moment of Irony, it’s like if you are walking down the road and see dog shit lying on the sidewalk, and that piece of shit said to you, “You’re nothing but crap”. Yeah, that’s the kind of Irony being displayed in this episode of Bleach. Please Haruhi, end this cruelty to Bleach fans.

No.

Matsumoto looks kind of hot doing that.

Let’s all act surprised, guys!

The Shameless Fag and his partner, FailNappa, engage their “sword releases”. This roughly means, “Prepare for epic and inevitable failure” to the audience watching. Their released forms look like crap, in fact, they look more suited to belong in my dinner’s serving of Spaghetti Marinara. The Crotch dude releases into a Shellfish-thing with four tentacles and his stupid partner releases into an ACTUAL Shell fish. Now, the Shellfish-thing fails less because he can still attack with his tentacles (he still sucks, however). Shellfish guy just sucks so hard, his ability is, CLOSING THE SHELL. Wow, gasp, terrific, what a fantastic power. Maybe I should invent a fucking arrancar, which releases his sword and turns into a Garbage can, that way I can throw his episode into him, and he would already be more useful than these sorry excuse for Bleach filler villains (Where are you Kariya!??). I can assume that next episode Ikkaku will Bankai and “break” that guy’s shell and Captain Shota will just Ice the other guy’s tentacles and send him back to the Frozen Seafood section of the Supermarket.

Tentacool, I choose you!

Cloyster, I choose you!

Someone, ANYONE, tell me what the hell is going on.

The only redeeming part of this episode was Kon, so the 2 points up there are thanks to him. That’s only because he said “Rukia nee-san”, and any mention of her is music to my ears. Good things don’t last for half a second in this filler episode, before the blanket of failure once again devours Kon (good night sweet prince). He meets Failface, and gets beaten up by the time Renji gets to him. That’s right guys, the “Super-strong” rebel leader beat up Kon. Why would you even bother? Why did he stop just to beat Kon up? Is he stupidly retarded? The answer is Yes, Failface not only looks like shit, but his brain is probrably made up of goose feathers. Naturally, when Failface reaches Urahara shop, everyone decides to engage him in battle. This includes the Bounto sensor dolls, which is also ironic, considering they came from a filler arc VASTLY superior to this maggot filled filth they seem to be serving us right now. To nobody’s surprise Failface has a power level which unprecendeted, especially in the “Total Bullshit” department. Note to Bleach filler writers, an overpowered arrancar rebel boss which looks like Super Mario is not badass, he is at best, laughable. But he isn’t even funny, which is like two kicks in my balls.

Sonicboom. Sonicboom. Sonicboom.

Storm the front.

*farting sounds*

Renji’s unleashes his Zabimaru as usual, and it has no effect. Did you see this coming? of course you did. He should just Bankai get it over with, but it seems Renji just can’t help but test Failface’s power. A decision which causes him much strife, as Failface’s level one “Sonicboom” (face it, it look’s like Guile’s special from Street Fighter) levels Renji and the ground below him. According to Failface, that was just one of many “levels” of Sonicboom which he could pull out of his ass. According to me, this means that we will be seeing his face for at least three more episodes, before he finally releases and Ichigo vaizard bankais his sorry self back to the void (groan*). The three Bounto sensor dolls chip in to help, and it always seems a bit redundant when they come in to assist. This is because the bad guys always figure out it’s an illusion ten seconds into the fight, and if one of the three get taken out, then the support chain becomes useless and all parties are reset back to square one. All of this unbelievable crap is displayed to viewers in QUALITY animation, which makes the whole ordeal even more painful.

Howl! Midgetmaru!!!

Haha, oh wow.

Which one looks more shit?

As Hitsugaya’s squad of cronies engages two seafood platter dishes, and Renji’s side is overwhelmed by Failface’s copyright infringement Sonicboom special powers, None of us care at all to even want to find out what happens next. If you thought things could not get any worse, you are obviously wrong. It was announced at the end of the episode that there would be no Bleach till the 22nd of August. So we don’t even get to have next week to get rid of one of these filler episodes (triple kick to the pants). We also get the Bizarre sight of Ulquiorra looking very sad at the crater he landed in with Nappa. What the hell is he doing there? I thought he was taken out by the three clowns, and I would also like to know why his face before “To be Continued” looks so poorly drawn. I think I know why Ulquiorra is so emotionless all the time, it’s because he foresaw this storm of unacceptable crap coming down on us, he has been lamenting for us ever since the beginning. The lack of Obligatory Rukia and Orihime training episodes serve to Enrage me further.

/Flash middle finger

Good Ulquiorra, you look kinda poorly drawn.

I doubt I will be covering Bleach in 2 weeks’ time, it’s been too painful reliving the nightmare. Keep healthy and make sure you Firebomb Pierrot for doing this to us.

Cheers,

Darkshaunz

PS: Ch.286, what a snoozefest.