Retsgip’s Anime Blog

Darkshaunz comes out to play After Dark

Score: 8.0/10

Bleach is back this week, despite a “scare” by Dattebayo that they were going to drop it for Genshiken S2 (YHBT). I can tell the Bleach community is abuzz with the latest Bleach OP on offer. My only complaint is the usual, there’s just not enough Rukia in the intro and it lacks the suave and trendy style which was present in the first OP. Let’s face it, the first intro is by far superior to any that we’ve seen so far. Granted, this new OP is by no means “Bad”, it’s just the same related-to-arc crap which all the other anime are doing. Let’s get stuck into it before my fanboy starts showing and my rabies-foam starts to cover my LCD screen.

Orihime finds a new meaning to “Waterbed”

New Intro Time

The theme for this new intro is “Running”, and the runner is Ichigo of course. He is running to rescue a “Falling” Orihime, who is drowning in a pool of darkness. So if we sift through the stockpile of emo-themes, basically it’s symbolic of Ichigo having to rescue Orihime before the time runs out and she is totally engulfed by Aizen’s darkness. What I do like is that Chad, Ishida, Renji and Rukia get put on these cool-ass stone pillars (Rukia looks awesome in that bat-cape thing), and the five of them look like the Fantastic Four but with five people. There’s also parts in Black and White which feature the Espada and Aizen and his stupidly sexy slick hair. The tail end of the OP sees a Hollow Ichigo cutting across (in artistic Black and White style) through Aizen’s Hollow conference meeting room, in which his mask cracks and he breaks his usual devious smile to the audience.

Ichigo runs for Delicious cake (The cake is a Lie!)

“…Pass the tea, Grimmjaw”

If you’re a fan of Asian Kung-Fu Generation, then this OP will have you cheering in delight as they spin out the typical urban rock track aptly titled, “After Dark”. The guitar riffs and drum beats keep the OP fast-paced (in lieu with Ichigo’s running). The music suits the scenes which are occuring on the visual side, so there’s no problems there. Also a weird pack of colourful beings make an appearance in this OP. What looks to be a small midget, two weird looking monsters and a huge worm (Is that you, Dune?), who could they be? Though their appearance is brief, their spontaneous rainbow incursion makes them stand out in this abyss-like OP where Black is the new sexy again. If you were a fan of the Rolling Star OP by YUI, this new OP will be up your alley. If you are a fan of Beat Crusader’s Tonight Tonight OP/Asterisk by Orange Range OP, then this one will leave you expecting more.

Bawa Bawa!!!

The new adventures of Batgirl

Our Sacred Grove is being Desecrated

Hueco Mondo shook today, Aizen’s tea sputtered seemingly on his IKEA-furnished table and all the Inhabitants in the Mondo felt a jolt into their hollowed beings. A Jolt which signalled the arrival of three miscreants, unwanted and uninvited into their super secret up-to-no-good den of evil. Among the miscreants is their ring leader, a young soul reaper substitute who feels like he has done this shit before, except the place is more emo than Linkin Park and the chick he is rescuing has a bigger rack. With him is the smartass glasses-guy who loves sewing in his free time, oh and he has a bow larger than C.C’s Pizza Butt, and finally they have a Silent but extremely loyal and powerful hitter from their previous adventure. Together the three of them form “The Karakura Sentai”, they could smell that Aizen was up to no good from a mile away and are here to shove his huge-ass couch up his 70’s hair gel ass.

90% of anime characters don’t use doors.

Ichigo shows off his trademark goofy face.

You’ve activated mah Trap Card!

I am not sure if you guys have heard of the Metal Gear Solid series before, but it’s a game where you have to use stealth and ambush to progress through the levels. These three goons, should never be allowed to play that game, because they take the words “stealth”, “patience” and “caution”, turn them upside down and take a crap on them. They are as stealthy as an Elephant trying to infiltrate a Pentagon whilst the White Stripes are playing on it’s back. To nobody’s surprise, Ichigo’s strategic analysis of a battle situation is as sharp as a pillow. He tells Ishida and Chad that it would be quicker if they all came to them so that he can ask where Orihime is. How can you dispute that kind of logic? Easily. In addition to the wreckless shouting for attention, they also hit and stomp as many surfaces as possible, activating the most cliche’d-beat-a-dead-horse traps in the history of the universe. I did like the Indiana Jones references here, but seriously it’s a wonder that these tards rescued Rukia in the first place.

Trap? What Trap?

Oh Shit its that Goddamn boulder trap from Yu-Gi-Oh!

After activating all the traps and shouting like babboons, they finally attract the attention of something. It’s a huge hollow with huge hands and a pair of “watching your masturbate”- type of eyes. Ichigo wants to fight him right at that moment of course, but Ishida and Chad hurriedly drags him before they bury him all alive. It was Ishida’s revelation that they were in fact, undergound, and the reason was simple: There were no windows. Wow, so just because there are no windows, this means it is in the underground! Sometimes I wonder how these guys got to be so smart. Using this logic, I found out that my car, is in fact a House with wheels, because it has windows and doors too!….or is my house a wheel-less car?(Try it yourself, you may find out amazing and useless shit you didn’t know prior to Ishida’s theory of windows). They then run off somewhere, they don’t quite know where they are going, but it’s okay because plot-navigation means that the heroes will always end up in an arena area for no reason. LO AND BEHOLD! They end up in a huge hall area in the underground! Gosh, what a coincidence huh guys?

Oy guys, I think I found us a way out.

Durrr….no! I say we go this-a-way! hyuk.

Ishida tries to climb up a flight of stairs in order to try and exit the area, but is promptly blocked by a guy who looked like his father was a rat and his mother was a Pteradactyl, and I think sometime during his conception, twigs were involved (I don’t really like where this is going), but that should explain his branchy appendages. The three stooges stand around looking stunned, possibly at how goddamn ugly that Pteradactyl man looks. In no time of course, a creature comes up from behind them which makes Pteradactyl man look like Brad Pitt. His name Demoura, if I recall correctly, this guy looks like the bastard child of a Garbage can orgy. His intelligence is equivalent to a Brick fused with a Shoe, I am rather amazed that this creature managed to survive this long without tripping on his huge hands and dying. The stage was now set, Ichigo and Superfriends versus Pteradactyl-man and Drooling Moron Spastic man. It will be an epic battle which will have your face twisted into a, “Holy shit, I can’t believe this is fucking happening in a huge-ass UNDERGROUND battle hall right now” look.

The new KFC mascot is terrifying at best.

‘Finger Lickin’ Good’

We wanna Rocks, Muneni Rocks.

Ichigo promptly asks Chad and Ishida to stand down, because he is thinking with his balls again. He sure forgot quickly the reason he brought them with him in the first place, he agreed to believe in their power, not because they want to go to Hueco Mondo for the fantastic Chilli Tacos they serve during High Tea along with Darjeeling brew. Chad’s response is the best one, he shuts Ichigo’s trap by elbowing him in the face (Ohh yeahh), and Ichigo is then promptly volunteerd to sit this one out as the audiences get to see the new Chad and Ishida in action for the first time. Drooling Moron man’s primary attack is Fist Attack, this is a complex attack which involved moaning like a drunken goose and clenching his spirit force condensed fists. This continuous bashing keeps Ishida at bay, but we get to see his new and improved speed, whic is very impressive. Considering the area of effect of Drooling man’s attack, Ishida’s speed and reflexes was the main thing keeping him off Domino’s new Quincy Pizza menu.

Do a Barrel Roll.

Ishida makes a groundbreaking discovery.

Meanwhile, Chad struggles against Pteradactyl man because he’s a slow hard hitter, and Pteradactyl is an agile and long range fighter that shoots lazer beams from his wooden appendages. The choice of action is a little too obvious at this point, and Ishida picks up on this very quickly. He signals Chad to do a swapover of opponents, which is logical since Ishida is stronger in long range battles. Throughout the course of the battles, Ichigo tries to help out, but is quickly dispatched by his comrades whom are both very eager to show off their power. Upon the switch, Chad starts landing those punches, and they look like they hurt, because Drooling man copped one to the face and was now more closely resembling Moaning in Pain man. Pteradactyl decides that his Sonido is enough to lose a mere “human”, but Ishida’s new speed is at a new DBZ level, and he skates freely along. The two exit hyperspace to exchange lazer shots at each other.

Chad finds out that Pteradactyl man is pregnant with his baby.

Hueco Mondo dental plans are very unique.

“That’s it Demoura, I’m not playing DDR with you Ever again”

The following scene is one that is hilarious, puzzling and will have you going, “haha oh wow” for sure. Basically, it is some of the most unexciting lazer fire exchanges you will ever see in Bleach. Pteradactyl opens up with his pissweak yellow bolt attack and Ishida counters his bolts with his own volley of spirit arrows. Then they just stand there for a moment unleashing like 1000,000 shots at each other without so much as braking a sweat. Ishida doesn’t even pull and release his bowstring anymore, he just pulls the string back and stand there, and the thing fires off like some kind of Quincy Minigun. This creates a wall of spirit collisions at the middle of the interception points. It was like the creator of Unreal Tournament and George Lucas dropped in on the Bleach animation studio for a cup of coffee at this point of the episode. According to Pteradactyl man, he can unleash 108 projectiles at his whim, but is overwhelmed when Ishida said, “lol 108? u nub, I has 1200 bullitz to shoot at ur fase”. Even he sounded unimpressed when he said that, and kills Pteradactyl man like he was just a plaything.

XXXtreme Dancing - Enrol today

You’ll never witness anything more ridiculous.

“El DestructofuckingFistofDeath”

O Rukia, wherefore art thou Rukia?

The episode ends with Drooling Man getting caned so hard he is forced to use his super-extendo tongue to defeat Chad. Apparently that was his last resort, if it was, it was the most useless and anticlimatic last resort in the history of Bleach. Chad ends it for us by powering up “Giant’s Attack” on the soon to be obliterated Drooling Man. I am liking the new vibe of Bleach at the moment, I just hope they do not deviate to fillers so soon after resuming the proper stuff. I do have my qualms about the new OP, but then again, you can’t argue that it sets the mood well for the awesome set pieces that will eventually take place in Hueco Mondo. I just can’t wait to see Rukia in that cute little cape of hers, and of course, I can’t wait to see the whole gang serving it up to Aizen and his smug little cronies. Dear readers, are you ready for another rescue mission?

Of course you’re ready.

Cheers,

Darkshaunz