Retsgip’s Anime Blog

Darkshaunz readies for the crash n’ burn

Score: 6.0/10

Another late entry for Bleach this week, as I have become innundated with a barrage of university assignments. Alright, what is there to say for this week’s episode? It was shit, yeah that would pretty much sum it up. Our friend Danny scored it with a 7, but then again he has a greater propensity for patience when it comes to rage-inducing episodes such as this one. Bleach anime at the moment resembles a plane that just took off on a promising flight, only to be hijacked by the AL-QUALITY terrorists and forced down to the ground at 300 km per hour until the craft smashes into a fiery death, taking down all the Bleach fans in the passenger cabin. To the guys over at Bleach Inc., make sure shit is happening in an episode, even if it’s non-filler.

Antacids are grossly overrated.

I hate Sand

Because it gets everywhere, it’s coarse and rough. Not like your skin, padm-Oh ok, yeah sand, there was a lot of it this episode. To be more precise, there was a lot of running on the sand and exchanging forgettable dialogue. But we do know that Hueco Mondo sand is like white and pretty. That’s great, really it is, but I am watching this show for Bleach, not “Beach” (then again, Rukia and Orihimie in swimsuits would be sexy). The beginning parts of the episode deals with Hueco Mondo scenery, because according to the episode directors, there’s a lot to discuss about the sights and sounds in Hueco Taco Bell. Exciting dialogue included how “Dead and barren everything is” and how “The trees are not normal, because they are made out of crystals”. This is pretty much equivalent to running to a horrible house fire and telling fellow onlookers, “Wow, that house is on fucking fire!”. It’s safe to say viewers can tell that Hueco Mondo is a super-emo garden of death and silence, there’s no real need to delegate time to have characters tell us this. Luckily, the characters realize that the huge-ass fortress structure is where they are keeping Orihime, and proceed to move their behinds to get their chick out of trouble.

The new sand-based cero is both deadly and freaking retarded.

Ichigo’s face was smoothened out wayy too much, he nearly looks like a girl.

In AD 2101, War was beginning

Captain Aizen summons his power rangers to the coffee table, because Taco Mondo is now officially under attack. I know all about never underestimating your enemy, but this part of the story seemed exaggerated. He basically initiates a war-cabinet in response for a substitute shinigami, a glasses-wearing quincy and a jeans-wearing huge-armed guy. The three of them running on the sand together looks as serious as a circus parade marching down main street. Not according to Aizen and his two cronies, this circus is a circus of infinite pain, whereby it was absolutely necessary to gather the 10 most powerful warriors in the region to suppress. There are some new Espada guys that we haven’t met in the anime yet, and they look kind of cool and goofy in their own way I guess. One more thing, who though Aizen looked absolutely “Superfab” when he waltzed in with his Robe and purple sash attire? I just know he has been taking fashion tips from Austin Powers. Groovy! Speaking of Groovy, lets look at a few of those new Espada clowns in the roundtable.

What were they doing so close to the door when it was still closed?

Sombrero Guy

Its Cleeeetus the slack-jawed yokel.

The person who voices this character sure cracks me up. He sounds like a Japanese redneck on crack or some shit (Heee Heee Heeeee is now his trademark). His smile is wider than Ichimaru Gin’s, which is quite the achievement. He has an eyepatch, long smooth hair and a hat that looks like it could carry food to feed an entire Argentinian town. He is your typical psycho on the loose with enough killing intent to send all cute furry animals into extinction. Who knows what to expect from this Espada, maybe he is actually Gin’s child or something like that. In order to create something like that, Gin must have banged a brick or a shoe, I don’t know, but something definitely went wrong somewhere.

Sleepy - Snow White called, they want you back

Captain Kyoraku, that you? Where’s Nanao-chan?

This espada is the most human looking of them all, that is, he looks like a guy that can walk around in a mall without getting arrested for looking like a fucking monster. The only thing audiences know about this espada is that he is sleepy, and he is grumpy-sleepy. The question which comes to mind is, what made him so sleepy? was he too busy in the arrancar-whore house last night or was he staying up all night (darks) for the hell of it? Only time will tell, perhaps his release involves sleeping, yawning or dreaming. Ichigo, Chad and Ishida can rest easy knowing that 1 out of the 10 espada won’t be a threat to them, unless they wake him up. Then Haruhi help them.

Penis Head - What were they thinking

You just know this guy is overcompensating for SOMETHING.

No, I’ll say it right now. This Espada definitely looks like a huge throbbing penis is lunging out from his espada blouse, and obviously he has some kind of condom over his genital-structured head. The thing is, when he talks, it seems that there are two entities talking, maybe those are his balls, with a schlong that huge, it wouldn’t surprise me if his balls are as big as my head. Now that we’ve gotten the penis-jokes out of the way, we can then proceed to assuming his “release” will involve fluids of some sort (har har). Out of all the espada on the meeting table, his collar is the most extravagant (see: Fabulous), and I can’t wait for the animation studio to use this guy for some tongue-in-cheek humour in the future.

Hot ninja chick - Evil Yoruichi

I’m watching this in slow motion, needs more jiggle though.

She is definitely a man eater, wear protection, guys.

Love her eyes, they make my knees weak.

There was a nice camera angle of her rack settling into the seat before we see her face. It’s okay my fellow manly men, this one gets the thumbs up from me. She’s one smoking customer, I think her rack may be bigger than Yoruichi’s, though I am not sure. In order to give you a better picture, I will be sacrificing my time to research the real sizes using Bleach yuri doujins (I’m selfless like that). She has a strong presence (not just her twins), her eye makeup looks attractive and I like what she’s done with her hair. She’s like Super Saiyan Yoruichi (Are you talking about Kuririn!?), but now with a cute midriff and hot, hot jubblies (fap fap fap). The only thing I don’t get is her facemask, what are those two holes for? If you’re thinking, “Duh, Cock goes there, Shaunz”, then you are a sick, perverted bastard (no seriously, I thought that first too). In all honesty though, I think it may be part of her release (though I’d release in those holes myself, mind you), or maybe she likes giant golden buttons as a fashion accessory. I’m intrigued and curious to see what use these things may have in the future.

Gaydar is off the charts, cap’n!

Sleepy, Cleetus, Yoruichi v.2.0 and Penis Head listen in on proceedings.

Look out! Tornado in Hueco Mondo!

If you thought the Espada were dangerous. You were wrong, the first thing to attack our heroes is moving air. Oooo, look out guys! It’s a Tornado! Surely, a Bankai-level shinigami, a Hollow-powered arm human and a High-level Quincy can take this tornado without a problem. Not exactly, the three are instantly swept off their feet and viewers are thrown into what was supposed to be a “comical” situation where Ichigo and Ishida exchange more married-couple nags and insults towards each other. This was the best thing the writers could come up with, a Tornado. I’m not asking for much, how about giving us a random powerful Hollow, or a lower level gillian-class fighter, hell give us a stuffed animal gigai possessed by an evil spirit, not moving air. The three are conveniently saved by Ishida, who brought a spirit shell, apparently given by Kukkaku from the previous arc. That’s very lucky for them, because you know, they may all be dead from a tornado now, had it not been for Ishida’s save. Very nice. Tune in next week when Ichigo is about to be defeated by Espada XYZ, only to have Chad remember he brought senzu beans from Korin’s place in the Saiyan saga.

Nooo! Not fast moving air!

Best “You gonna get raped” face by Ishida in the series so far.

Runner up for most retarded look ever, by Kurosaki Ichigo.

Go back to your seat, Grimmjaw

The next, “intense” scene in this episode is when Grimmjaw leaves his seat to kill the three intruders, only to be asked by Aizen to return immediately. The following minutes consists of Aizen glowing purple and bringing Grimmjaw to his knees. I am not sure what is happening here, but I think we are meant to believe that Aizen can bring a number 6 espada to his knees just by looking at them. At which point, we are also meant to be believe that Ichigo and Superfriends are about to get their faces smashed by a hair gel-sporting slick who only needs to lookat them to deal damage. For some reason, this “intense” scene didn’t really deliver the intensity needed, because Grimmjaw was poorly animated and Aizen’s whole glowy thing actually made me chuckle a bit.

Aizen’s fringe is actually the source of his power.

“Oh shit, purple light is causing me to fall to the ground, God I suck”

The real Espada Numero Uno.

Possibly the most exciting thing to happen in this sand-filled, dull-uninspiring and craptastic episode is Ichigo and superpals taking a break and running into a Hollow lizard/salamander. This thing was awesome, it had a hollow mask and didn’t give a shit that it’s opponents were massively larger than it. In fact, it just stood around on the sand and just stared at Ichigo, Ishida and Chad. Not just a normal stare, but a “I’m going to crawl inside your head and eat your organs” kind of stare. This little lizard was bloody intense I tell you, it burrowed into the sand in a split second, which means it’s speed matches Shunpo and it shows no fear, goddamn, Ichigo and his pals wish they had this much awesome packed into their being. Forget rumours about Espada rankings, because this little guy has to be numero uno, there will be no arguments. It doesn’t even have to eat, it only has to breathe to survive, Jesus shit goddamn, this thing is fucking amazing.

jiiiiiiiiii

“What the fuck?”

JIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

“lol just kidding you nubs, I am espada numbah one rofl xD”

Little Green Riding Hood

The episode concludes with Ichigo, Ishida and Chad overhearing a young girl shrieking in terror. I would be too, if I knew that a massive sandworm with horns, a fat yellow Pedobear and a Stagbeetle kamen-rider was chasing me at full speed. That kind of shit would have me crapping blood into my pants and embed mental scars all over my brain. The poor, helpless girl is wailing in terror as her assailants chase after her like some twisted nightmare from Chucky. Without hesitation, Ichigo urges his comrades to arm themselves, it seems Orihime won’t be the only lady they will be rescuing from this sandy, barren and boring wasteland. Hey, at least the tea is good right?

Run ugly looking loli run!

Cheers,

Darkshaunz

PS: Kenpachi to the rescue. Fuck Yeah Kubo Tite, also Rukia is in focus again!. Mmm, good week is good, except for this anime failstorm.