Retsgip’s Anime Blog

Darkshaunz slaps Kubo Tite

Holy shit? my last entry was episode 151, that was like from the age of mayans. Well folks, I can’t explain my disappearance, but it probably had something to do with me being a lazy shit-eating sloth which decided that blogging would take a backseat to my new bitch, the Crapbox 360 (its going to bankai itself back to the Microsoft factory soon). Then I read the latest manga chapter of Bleach and knew, I just knew that I could not just sit on my arse and allow Kubo Tite to get away with what he’s done in the recent Bleach chapters without me unleashing a massive stream of whinging. A barrage of complaining so powerful, it will break his nose, legs and his imaginary future children which he is yet to father. So, for the seven people still reading this, let’s do this shit for old time’s sake.

This is how Kubo Tite looks like when writing the latest manga chapters

Spoilers, you geese

So I picked up the manga chapters during my disappearance, and have been keeping up with the anime episodes. This means that this entry will have spoilers, ie: Things that will spoil things for you, things you should avoid like rape/AIDS if you just watch the anime. If you already have contracted AIDS via rape, then imagine something horrifying like Bounto arc reruns. Also, Ichigo, Rukia, Orihime, Renji, Chad and Ishida all die in a freak accident involving Matsumoto’s overly large boobs. In addition to this, Aizen runs off to Paris with Tousen and Gin for croissants and uncensored Yaoi shit. Seriously though, I warn you because I love and care for you all like dear precious things. Now get lost you beautiful bastards.

Matsumoto’s boobs strike back.

Instant Impregnation Kit! (Not to be confused with the testing kit)

Superfag Espada number eight had quite the “release” didn’t he? I was kind of stunned when I found out that he impregnated himself within Nemu, who then proceeded to birth the abomination of the two spirit worlds from her mouth. I was about to throw up my doritos or fried rice as I was reading through the manga chapter. Of course, his release is something referenced from the Biblical figure: Gabriel. I know, “woah fucking slowpoke news there Shaun”. Then again, there’s some difference in this impregnation because Mary’s innards certainly weren’t lined with poison and shit, like Nemu’s. I know this because baby Jesus made it out alive looking all aces (according to nativity pictures I’ve seen), and grows up to have a non-poisoned beard. Superfag Espada, however, comes out looking like he did before - an ugly assfaced clown with more mascara than the hooker down on main street. Nemu is then shown to be operational afterwords, like nothing happened. Wait woman, you just gave birth to a Grown Man, and yet you still have the time to bury Ishida’s face in your soft yet firm rack? What a machine!

Don’t you just feel like punching this guy in the face?

I don’t have a problem with the impregnation thing, just that watching a woman birth an ugly clown looking evil entity from her mouth wasn’t very apetizing for me. But it did wave a red flag, I think Kubo Tite MAY be running out of ideas here. Usually when you have to play hand like a villain impregnating himself into another character as a special power and using a Big-deal attack like a Cero and treating it like a lazer light-show from a scene out of Star Wars, this is kind of a stage in the series telling you that you may either want to retire the series whilst it is ahead, or force yourself to come up with yet more ridiculously awesome or stupid ideas to keep the series going. For now, we’ll let Kubo Tite off with the whole no-penetration instant-pregnancy thing, only because it was radically different from anything he has done in the past. I am not sure how ridiculously he can up the ante from an insta-pregnancy plus mouth-birthing though. Maybe Yachiru will have to Bankai and become a Pink frilly teddybear which shoots Chappy-death bunnies out of his ass (I dream of this happening at night). I know that will never happen though, because our universe isn’t that awesome yet.

Aaerieniero has a “Piercing” headache.

Ballerina Espada

So there was another espada which Byakuya was fighting, I forget his name. This is because they all have ridiculously difficult to remember names that sound like some kind of burger from hungry jacks. Like, Grimmjaw Hungryjacques and Ulquoirra Rings. This guy’s name was probably something like Sausagelips Baldino or something. Keeping in tradition with how this blog does things, we just don’t give a shit about the names, so we’ll improvise. Let’s call him Baldino. So the fight with Byakuya with Baldino goes as usual, you know with Byakuya reminding us all that everyone that isn’t him is a rough, unevolved, uncivilized garbage-collecting rat from the lowest bowels of a crapfactory. After Byakuya is done doing the shinigami-equivalent of the foxtrot and waltz, Baldino decides that dancing time is over. Which means in Bleach terms - time to “release his sword”. Sexual innuendo aside, an espada’s release is either awesome/shocking or hugely disappointing. Baldino’s release falls under neither of those categories, he gets his own special category, “Shit”.

My face when I saw Baldino’s release.

Before I get frozen crabs thrown at me, I think his release power is “cool”. Using his one of many eyes to control any part of the opponent? Yeah that works. Though using it as a way to put a scratch on Rukia? Not so cool, that would be because my fanboy rabies foam was clogging up my keyboard. The problem I have is with is how Baldino looks when he is released. He looks like a Yoga-practicing sentient pumpkin with lips thicker than Louis Armstrong’s. So Kubo Tite has a second problem, he has run out of ideas on how to make his bad guys look badass when they release (with few exceptions). My eyes were wide open in horror, you know the look your parents give you when they catch you fapping in your room. Yeah, I had that look, but with the addition of me raising my hands in pure disbelief. The reason for the horror is because on one side, you have this super-kawaii-bishi-desu Byakuya flicking his hair and putting on lip gloss in all eery sexiness and on the other side, you have a black guy in a fucking pumpkin suit. I couldn’t possibly come up with shit like this even if I was on crack cocaine and choking in a pool of liquidated meth. So Mr. Tite, lesson number two: Don’t pair up one of the coolest man-sex characters with a freak in a fruitsuit. Do it for us, your dear readers.

Not shown in this picture: His stupid looking excuse for a release.

Kendo - Who the fuck needs special powers?

This topic is probably being done to death like the neighbourhood whore, but guess what? I’m cordially inviting myself to the list of do-ers. Out of the two red flags that I mentioned, this flag is probably the tallest and is the one that is making the most noise as the breeze hit’s it very large surface area. I would also like to take the time to say that now would be a great time if you are Kendo instructor, because recruitment will surely shoot up this season. According to Kubo Tite, if Kenpachi uses both arms to use “Kendo” or “The way of the giant toothpick”, then his power level is going to start breaking scouters. The thing fans were so longing to see - Kenpachi’s release and/or calling out to his swords, ends in remarkably disappointment. We are treated instead to an oversimplified plot-device in this “Kendo” bullshit. I mean seriously, we needed something to keep us going because this Soul Society copypasta is pushing some fans to their limits. Whatever, maybe if I start fapping with Both hands, my junior’s power will increase.

Kendo, fuck yeah. Going to defeat espadas yeah. Kendo, fuck yeah.

The other problem I have is with Kenpachi cliffhangers two weeks in a row. The first time - okay, but the second time was throwing too much MSG into the broth. If Kubo pulled another, “Lol Kenpachi may be dead guyz!” this week, I may have found myself experiencing brain cancer and losing my hair all at once. So I think pacing can be seen as the latest issue in the manga recently too. There’s still three espada which we have not seen in action yet, the old fart, sleepy-faced stark and underboob halibel. If the fights are going to take as long as they are taking now, then I predict that this Hueco Taco arc will end in 2100, when the human race will have battlecruiser fleets and cylons will attack all our capital cities before we get to see Ichigo land the finishing orchestral blow to Aizen. My advice to Kubo Tite is, speed up the fights a bit, by taking out pages where Orihime and Ichigo just sits there looking shocked and useless. Just cut out the bullshit, because all we really want to see is Kenpachi releasing his sword and spraying his power all over Noitra’s face (yes I went there). I digress, there’s definitely a lot of people wanting to see Kenpachi’s so-called release, and this Kendo shit is not going to cut it (har har).

Noitra was simply no match for some guy holding his sword with TWO hands instead of one. Bad Luck.

This arc is as urgent as sea mail (see: Not Urgent at all)

I missed the crazy intensity of Soul Society. Sometimes when reading the latest manga chapters of Bleach, I kind of like to imagine that Bleach ended with Soul Society. You know, Ichigo rescues Rukia, and the two of them live happily ever after and that all their friends are smiling, laughing and dancing and skipping as the sun sets. Like it was just a wonderful feel-good fairytale and back when the anime episode openings were actually cool and awesome, and not fucking boring and generic as they’ve degenerated to become (the latest one is kind of acceptable though). That said, the whole Rukia execution thing really had you feeling that the gang were hard pressed for time. That every time they poured their heart and soul into the fight, they were racing to save Rukia. That was awesome, we were right there with them, all the way, cheering them on. They gave Rukia the hope of living and we saw her change from this introverted girl into someone who finally realized that she had a life outside just rules and duty, that she could get her pretty face out of her ass and enjoy life for what it is - enjoying it with friends and comrades. That Ishida, Chad, Renji and Orihime were giving it their all to beat the clock, not just Ichigo.

Orihime is sad because Kubo messed up her arc.

With the current arc, there was no real urgency at all. This is because Orihime wasn’t about to get executed or anything, she was just a willing prisoner. Though we all sympathized with that, and we can all agree that Orihime now is a much more interesting character than just a ditzy pretty face (and chest), it doesn’t generate much urgency, we know because pimpdaddy Aizen is too busy licking and rubbing the Ho-cube to give a damn about anything else. Soul Society was like a Western action RPG, where you had the hero and his team mates, attacking shit fast and furiously and constantly running and moving. The whole game scenario took only one dvd to complete, it was short and less detailed, but it sure was sweet. This current arc is like a 10-disc clusterfuck JRPG which has players fighting the espada minibosses without a save point in between. You get the feeling that this turn-based fighting will inevitably end with all the Espada getting killed, all the party members of low HP and Mp and then without a break in between, they get into a fight with Aizen, Tousen and Gin all at once. Then the next chapter begins with a title called, “Game Over”.

Now look what you did, you made the pretty lady cry. Kubo Tite, you asshole.

Feels good to get that off my chest

Now, I know I may be nitpicking at certain things, but that’s my current outlook of the current arc. Oh, and I am using pictures of the current Bleach episode (161) because the anime has colour and prettier scenes than the boring black and white stuff in the manga chapters. I may or may not be blogging weekly again, because I know that Rukia won’t be reappearing in the series for a very very long time, and if I don’t see her on screen, I just lack the motivation to write anything Bleach related. It’s a rabid fanboy thing sure, but I’ve had to see Rukia “die” in both the manga and anime now, that alone should be reason enough to wish a pox upon his entire clan! Alas, I am not so vindictive, a broken or leg or two would serve to appease me. You may or may not hear from me again in the following week, oh and Retsgip is dead, he was killed by sexual exhaustion. Looks like all the Japanese schoolgirls were a bit much for the guy. Also, I recommend taking up Kendo, because you can guarantee to meet a couple of guys to talk about Bleach with, and you’ll also get a workout.

Why is it that she only appears once? Why Kubo Tite WHYYYY!??

Also, feel free to leave your own comment as to how we can help Kubo Tite lift the Bleach manga from mediocrity and certain failure to something which resembles the badassery and win that was the Soul Society arc. An example comment would be: “LOL YEAH TEH MANGA SUXXORZ, WE NEED RUKIA AND ORIHIME TO TOTALLY MAKE OUT XDDD MANN!” or “Bleach sux, read Naruto instead, Sasookay is so kawaii”. Or you know, leave a comment which doesn’t wish that you die in a car crash in the next five minutes. Though I would probably get off to the idea of Rukia and Orihime making out the french way.

This is the reason why I won’t be watching Bleach for a long time.

Cheers,

Darkshaunz

PS: I missed you guys terribly. I hope you keep rocking hard.