Retsgip’s Anime Blog

Darkshaunz gets lost in the Menos forest

Score: 7.0/10 (Rukia, saves it)

I have an exam on Monday evening. Common sense and student logic dictates that I study for that exam, but like all good exponents of decent logic, I decide to take the serious academical consideration into the palms of my hands, and toss them into the great burning fires of procrastination. Bleach continues the trend of confusing the shit out of us, this week is neither great nor shit, but rests in a comfortable position slightly above mediocrity. It’s like I want to get angry at this episode, but I can’t because it has a metric tonne of Rukia in it, and enough “that was retarded, yet hilarious” moments to save it from the aforementioned Crash n’ Burn of say, 145. So in gambling my future away for this post, let’s get on with this chlorox fest.

Ishida can’t believe that fillers have begun, already.

The last time we left off in the adventures to the elusive Las Nachos, Ishida, Ichigo, Renji, Chad and their new Arrancar cutie-pies were on a giant sandworm riding into the darkness of obscurity. Their eyes peeled on the prize, an Xbox HUEG castle in the distance where people five hundred times their power level were having tea and playing Barbie dress-up. Unfortunately, they hit a slight bump on their journey to Las Nachos Potato Crisps factory, and by bump I mean an eight storey sand arrancar that has a jaw big enough to swallow continental China. Now I was sitting on my desk thinking, “didn’t they kill this fucker already?”, you know, instead of studying. According to Nell, since Lunananamaga-sama-san-chan is made of Sand, he has more than one body. This is because Hueco Mondo should actually be called Mondo Sando, because that’s all there is to this boring snorefest of a landscape. I can hazard a guess and say that there are more than TWO bodies that this guy has, considering this entire landscape could qualify as his body. This all seemed a bit fishy, and so I contacted my sources, and lo’ and behold this is apparently a new “filler arc”. Yeah, great, we haven’t had enough of that shit already amirite?

Pretty sure cock doesn’t go there. Would be pretty painful.

“It’s okay guys! My poorly animated face and sword will rescue us!”

Of course, audiences turn to Rukia to finish this bugger off so we can all get to rescuing Orihime. So Rukia does her Tsuki-no-mai-whitey-fairy super bankai to take this sandman back to the freezer where he belongs. Yes, I did raise my hands up in the air cheering like some mentally-deficient retard of a fanboy, happily glazing at the screen to see her kick ass again in the space of two episodes. The problem was, her move forces her to stab the ground with freezing columns that eminate back to her zanpaktou for her to unleash a massive ice prison. However, we forget that they are not on natural ground. They are on Bawabawa, and I imagine if I was a massive emotional sandworm, someone poking my head with an Ice-sword would be one of the most uncomfortable and painful things I would have to endure in my belly-crawling career. Naturally Bawabawa spazzes out in pain and agony because of Rukia’s carelessness and the crew get trapped in yet another goddamn quicksand pit as Lunabanana-chan-sama sees an opening in their wreckless acts. This whole sinking situation causes Rukia to be flung out of Bawabawa like a rock from a catapult into the sinking sands. I went from having my hands cheering in the air, to a clenched fist and foaming-at-the-mouth stance shouting, “KAKAROTTT!!” at the top my lungs in about 30 seconds.

I like it how things go all nice and slow motion in her release sequences. Mmmm.

Even I have to say, that was pretty stupid.

Rukia realizes that sand-skiing wasn’t as safe as the brochures made it out to be.

I think the guys over at Studio Pierrot or whoever does the Bleach anime just love to see Rukia get in trouble. In the movie, she got in strife and had to be rescued, in the Bount fillers, she got possessed and in this filler arc she gets separated from the group and is the first to potentially die from quicksand, because the whole Rukia’s going to get executed in Soul Society just wasn’t good enough. Maybe I should stop by the Studio when I am in Gundamland to give those mangy bastards a Spartan-Leonidas kick into the bottomless pit. Well then, following Rukia’s drowning into the infinite sands, it is about time the whole gang drop into their deaths as well. Yeah, that’s all folks. Bleach is over, Orihime doesn’t get saved, Rukia is the first to die in the sand and the rest followed suit. Aizen, Captain can’t see shit and Smiley-kun won the Winter war, Soul Society are fags for not sending reinforcements and Tatsuki’s boobs got larger. I kid I kid, as if anyone could really die in Bleach! Half of the cast is technically dead anyway. They don’t die, they just get dumped into some forest where Menos infest and where the filler arc will begin. The place looks like a forest alright, it has dead trees, more sand, and giant dark hollows with V-for-Vendetta masks that shoot red lazers from their mouths. It’s as much a forest is as my computer is a Fridge.

Rukia digs for gold.

Ichigo and Renji both agree that they can’t see shit.

What’s a Rukia?

Well the animation took a dip this episode, Ichigo’s face at some times looked like a triangle with two white blobs and nothing more. Maybe if they wanted us to like fillers, they could stop making the episodes look attractive, so if we have to rage, we can at least let some pretty shiny things desynthesize us. Right, back to the episode, well Ichigo and gang realize that they are not dead and are in some place known as the “Menos Forest”. Which doesn’t sound as intimidating as it should be, I would have called it, “The Forest in which everyone is going to get Killed”. Doesn’t that sound more badass and nightmare-inducing? It’s like you MAY get killed at anytime, except you don’t know when and where and how. Imagine if Nell told Ichigo and friends that, how much tension that would create. Calling it the “Menos Forest” is like calling it, “Forest where all the monsters have 10 times less power level than you”, they may as well have fucking called it, “Hueco Mondo Disneyland” and achieved the same bloody effect. So Ichigo assesses the situation and calms Nell and her cronies down because they seemed to shitting their pants, shirts and masks in fear. I’d like to add that this took at least five to seven minutes. During this time, they were completely Oblivious that they’ve lost Rukia in the group. I am not sure if this was done for comedic effect, but it was sure a source of me twisting my face into a “HURRR” motion as I looked in mocking disgust at their situational awareness capabilities.

Almost looks like Nell is doing Shikamaru’s Kage-mane-no-jutsu.

Through some miracle, Ichitard realizes that Rukia is missing.

Take this simple test

What is Android 18 holding in her hand? (and Yes, C18 is both sexy and awesome)

a) An adorable and fluffy woodland animal.

b) A hand grenade.

c) The hopes, dreams and desires of an 8-year old cancer patient.

d) A Penis.

e) All of the Above.

If you answered “A”, I would like to congratulate you for having more situational awareness than Ichigo and his friends combined. You, dear reader, are officially more alert, smarter and possibly more skillful in the battlefield than those hopeless loli-reassuring and clueless romantics in the Menos Forest. Maybe we should rescue Orihime, because we are exponentially less retarded and we’ll probably get the job done without all the bastard fillers and eye-rolling moments which will be in no short supply come the follow up for this filler episode. Also, if you answered “D”, lay off the Dragonball XXX hentai sites (they have too many trojans in them, I didn’t tell you this though, shhh).

Ichigo and Friends amaze viewers with their urgency.

Rukia gets kidnapped, again.

People in Bleach can’t seem to get their hands off Rukia. Seriously, it’s not just my fanboyism which has deluded me into this conclusion, but Rukia seems to have been grabbed, impaled and molested by all manner of Bleach filler and non-filler characters more times than I can remember. Is it her soft-yet-strong nature? her petite, portable size? her amazing yet mesmerizing bangs for hair? Why is it that every single Arrancar, Hollow, Captain and their mothers can’t keep their grimey hands off her? I think Bleach characters are just naturally kinky for her, it’s like if they don’t hazard a touch of Rukia, their existence is invalidated and they automatically get divided by zero. So the drama this time comes from the fact that Rukia has been so far separated from the pack that she is in some unexplored and spooky corner of the Menos forest infested by over 9000 arrancar and their extended families, blah blah blah. Even Rukia seems tired of this shit, so much so that she decides to cut the shit out of all the hollows and run for the light at the end of forest. She successfully does this, only to run into three Menos Grande who were conveniently standing around looking at the sky, because that is what the poor sods do to entertain themselves in the Forest of neverending dulldrom (Naming mood now, it seems). Just as our princess is about to get fried from a Cero, some guy in a Goat masks comes in and abducts her.

Does Rukia gonna have to cut a bitch?

This is setting up to look like some bad Bleach H-manga.

Is it that time of the month already? (Lady readers, forgive me).

The focus then changes to a mysterious group of Hollow in some cave nobody gives a shit about. They all have this mysterious look, voice and glowy eyes which are all marks of bad guys which will die in one Getsuga Tenshou or bad guys which will turn out so lame that we will throw up volumes of blood at how cliche’d they are. They complain about how noisy the forest is lately and how badass they are that they are going to kill Ichigo and gang. “So noisy lately”, wow, I can’t believe they are complaining that something is actually happening in this boring-ass forest. It’s so dead in this forest that I am beginning to believe that the place actually Manufactures boredom and dullness, even the Menos Grande have to look up to the sandy skies for amusement. Thankfully, this sequence lasts only briefly and we can all move along with the story. Ichigo and gang come under attack from the entire forest, shortly after the big bosses decide that it was time to get the party started. However, they are all pushoevers despite the initial hollow zerg rush and we can all rest assured that Ichigo and his gang can flex their muscles in defeating something they could defeat 4000 arcs ago. Ichigo should just Bankai, wipe the floor clean with these hollows, find Rukia and pose in the “Bitch in one hand, Badass sword in the other” pose and move along and rescue his other bitch already.

“We’re really Mysterious and Scary. OOooOooOOO”.

Someone put an end to their idiocy, please.

Goddamn Furries.

Rukia’s captor is an ex-shinigami, Holy Shit. No kidding? I don’t believe it, he can’t be a shinigami! I had zero idea about this before he had to tell us. I couldn’t tell by the Black robe and white sash, the distinct shunpo move and the fact that he didn’t just take out Rukia to start with. No, apparently as a viewer, my situational awareness is equivalent to a brick, or they think that I am one of those viewers that answered “Penis” in my earlier test. Rest assured, he is a Shinigami guys (Gasp!!!). He also wears a Goat mask and his uniform is tattered (Haruhi only knows what this guy has been doing to “alleviate” his loneliness in this Haruhi-forsaken place). Maybe he is one of those dudes that is into the whole beastiality stuff. Hey, whatever rocks his boat and all, but seriously, get the fuck away from Rukia, you dirty goat-humping Pedo. It seems that he wants to take Kinky to a whole new level, and when it comes to Rukia, they either want to stick their hands into her or they want to cut her up (this is painful to watch). Goat-head here decides that cutting her up will finally fulfill his guro fantasies and engages Rukia in battle. Rukia holds her own for a minute or so, before getting overwhelmed by his massive……….strength and speed (aha, made you think it).

Ishida and Chad finally get to show off their, “Oh God, we’re badass motherfuckers” pose.

I really don’t like where this is going.

Dondo Chakka behind Nell just looks super-creepy.

The episode ends with a cliffhanger whereby Rukia is seen to have been “Stabbed” by Goat-head and we are left wondering if our girl is mortally wounded or not. I can’t wait for next week when some other random ass filler character tries to get his hands on Rukia (seeing as it looks to be Abduct-a-Rukia month this time around). I am not sure how I really feel about this filler arc right now, I’d like to pull out all the stops and say that all of this sucks harder than the whores on main street, but I can’t. It’s like I am in this state of half-angered and half-charmed at this sudden surge of Rukia-related goodness at the same time. I feel like I am having angry sex, there’s the frustration and passion in the starting to mid phases, but then there’s the satisfying climaxing feeling toward the end in which you end up moaning in pleasure anyway.

I also want my own Portable Rukia. I’ll love it and hug it three times a day and call it Squishy.

Ah, also, avast at my regular commenters (you guys know who you are!), now I have to redouble my efforts for Monday’s exam. Damn your death and suicide threats if I failed to keep on this filler arc. However, next week will be a calvacade of painful information regurgitation of facts I will soon forget on pieces of paper, so probably no updates for you! In the meantime, enjoy the anime world in my brief absence. Also, where the fuck are my Sayonara Zetsubo Sensei subs? We don’t need 100 companies subbing CLANNAIDS, seriously.

Cheers,

Darkshaunz