Retsgip’s Anime Blog

Darkshaunz becomes all blurry and tingly

Score: 8.5/10

I knew a subbing company would realize the amount of win oozing out from this series eventually. Thanks to your chums over at Ayako subs, we now have a glorious supply of subbed Ikkitousen deliciousness. Its always nice to know I can watch 2007’s Fanservice of the year with some idea of what the plot is going to look like. That’s not saying plot is the most important thing when compared with Kan-U’s lovely jubblies. This week sees some foundation setting stuff and yet more panty-vision fighting. It’s got a heck of a lot of cliche’d characters, it’s got the most basic excuses for a beat up and more eye-rolling moments in any anime. But you know what? You won’t find a more stupidly fluid and polished fanservice-combat vixen anywhere else. Kleenex tissues are going to have a great run this season.

The OP’s catchy and most importantly, brimming with sexual messages.

The episode starts off with the obligatory “geographical perspective” kind of thing. For a moment there, I was confused, because Code Geass episode 1 started off the same way. What is it with Japanimation and opening with a map of the Kanto region? It must be some sort of inside joke to confuse people like me. So, being a geological expert, I can ascertain that the fighting will occur in Japan (Yes, Japan), I have also narrowed it down to a certain city in Japan (I know, I’m good at this). To my horror, it seems that the fighting is not done by soldiers or professionals, but by high school students. I’ve heard of gang fights but apparently these guys are taking it to like a national level of gang fighting, with the police nowhere to be seen (seriously, where the fuck are the police). There are three main schools in control, I forget their names, but one of them is led by Saiyan dude, the other one is led by Hakufu and the shrine academy is led by Kan-U (and her pair of delicious boobs). According to a scene where a bunch of badly animated glowy red guys are marching, they form part of a “Destined Warrior Bunch”, kind of like the tv show Friends, but with Chandler killing Joey all the time.

The Guy Team (I can’t believe there’s actually guys too).

The 24/7 Pantyvision Team.

The Team which has Kan-U’s delicious breasts.

Next scene has us with a pile of dead bodies on the ground in some suspicious alleyway. We have to get used to this quickly, as this anime has more dead bodies than Tokyo Majin (and that anime is based on Zombies), so you can imagine the sense of mass-death we must embrace ourselves for. I mean, they’re either all dead or that’s one hell of a rave party. The two guys responsible for this don’t look like fighters at all, but look more like normal people, that is, only one of them has crazy hair. The blonde haired guy decides to reminiscise about some intelligence report this totally hot glasses-girl was giving, what a champion. I mean what’s more manly than killing an entire platoon of goons than thinking about a fine ass on a moody and wet afternoon? Blonde-guy decides that glasses-girl actually looks hotter without her glasses (much like Yuki Nagato I guess) and his Beanie wearing friend (Ton) tells him to stfu and gtfo before they become KIA. Oh and the demon samurai ghost makes another appearance, cos you know, ghosts need screentime too.

If you listen to the ground closely, you can hear the ocean.

“Seriously bro, that ass was fine!”

Then we are taken to a bed where Glasses girl probrably just finished giving some dude head (I am pretty sure that’s all she’s good for). I’m really hoping she get’s Kaoken’d or Hadoken’d from the whole story because she’s making Pre-Shippuuden Sakura actually look useful. As Beanie-chan and Blonde-kun (names lol) are hauling ass away from the Alley of Doom, they meet some hot high school girl who throws ninja stars or something (hey, its called the Alley of Doom for a reason guys). Beanie-chan’s a good comrade, so he lets his buddy escape whilst he deals with Ninja girl from Venus (she looks like that android from Mai Hime). As I suspected, the guy’s no match for her crazy over the top wall-hacking bullshit and eventually makes a bad lunge for her face. The sad thing was, she spit a needle from her mouth into his eye, whereby blinding him permanently. Blonde-kun, who saw his friend get blinded decided that he wasn’t going to sit around and bleed. So he did what all pissed comrades would do, summon a demonic samurai presence within him and power up to SSJ2. Ninja girl was crushed into a million bloody pieces in a matter of seconds. I really need to start shopping around for demonic samurai spirits.

Ton didn’t see what she did there. Because he’s blind, get it? Ha H-*Sniper shot*

Good night, sweet princess.

Then there’s the sex scene. Oh boy, it wasn’t even exciting in any way, shape or form, this is because Glasses-girl is the one doing all the hipwork. Don’t mind me, even the guy she’s doing seems horribly bored, rather than concentrating on the boning he spent the good part of the sex sequence planning the strategy of his next attack (leading to Kanto region domination). I know, me complaining about an anime sex scene is like heralding the end of the world, but truth to be told, I was laughing more than anything. Laughing at how ridiculously unnecessary the whole sequence was. After all that “zomg sexxx”, we get taken to three clown-looking individuals. I mean, I know they are meant to be dressed as spirit warders or something, but I mean, it’s the 21st century guys, get a goddamned T-shirt and maybe some jeans. I’ve seen cosplayers in anime conventions that would literally put these three clowns in their place, but of course they each get a cool name-intro sequence because they are dressed like they stepped out of a 14th century time machine. Apparently, they killed a Fushuu academy champion in one punch or something, it must be those straw hats. I read somewhere that straw hats give you amazing godlike powers.

Look who’s talking, Miss Slutbag McWhore.

“This feels goo-ZzzzzzZzzzzZ”

Spot the odd one out! Thats right, all three of them look ridiculous.

Moving on, and it’s Glasses girl training time. She’s probrably the only glasses girl in the series who doesn’t suck as much (Ha ha, pun really intended). Aside from not whoring herself out hardcore, she’s one of the ladies in the anime who can’t kick ass much can as MacGuyver or Chuck Norris, so I’m expecting her to get kidnapped and used as a plot device (its almost too obvious). Training her is Fang-tan (Chouhi), and like Tsuruya, she has a really cool accented Japanese slang which makes me giggle on the inside. Apparently Glasses-girl completely sucks at fighting, as in, she would probrably shoot herself in the toe if you gave her a gun kind of hopeless. Ah, then Kan-U walks in, and I tell you, it means the episode already scored an extra point in the score. When she walks in or appears in an Ikkitousen episode it’s kind of like saying, “Look at how much time the animators and designers put into my gorgeous body!”. Before I drool too much, Glasses-girl escapes training and sits outside, waiting to get attacked. Her waiting soon pays off, when this TOTALLY NOT SUSPICIOUS guy hiding behind a pillar spots her with a “You gonna get Tenderly Loved” look on his face. He is also accompanied by people who look like Spiderman impersonators wearing those Japanese Opera masks. So what I am trying to say is, they look freaking retarded.

Glasses-girl blushing is breaking fetish barriers everywhere.

Wow man, you’re totally being inconspicuous 100%.

My Fail-sense is tingling!

As the horrible spiderman looking goons charge at Glasses-girl, Kan-U does a Teleport: Master skill and absorbs the attack. At this point, I would also add that she managed to split the skull of the three guys in one frame (she must be like one of those Time-warping warriors). Then, a flying shuriken conveniently rips Kan-U’s sailor uniform at her rack area, revealing (for no reason) her voluptious pair of boobs. Kan-U does not seem to mind at all, because I bet guys she fights against always target her boobs first rather than targeting her vital points, so it must be part of fighting strategy. The guy who was behind the pillar reveals himself and introduces his name. I don’t remember his name but lets call him Krillin, cos he’s bald and likes boobs a lot. Krillin basically says out aloud what viewers are thinking, but unfortunately for him, we aren’t as retarded so as to attack a hot babe wielding a spear which looks like it is capable of splitting heaven itself. Krillin’s special attack is spinning his 3-section-staff Really fast, maybe his childhood dream is to become a helicopter or some shit, seriously who knows/cares. But what I do know is, his spinning gig did not impress Kan-U (and her rack), and because of this, he must get his ass handed on a golden plate.

I love Japanese school uniforms, malfunctions ahoy!

Bonerrrrrr.

ROFL, seriously. Helicopter mode Krillin was hilarious.

Krillin goes at Kan-U in some vain attempt to mash his face in between her cleavage (I am being 100% serious), and it becomes painfully obvious that he is the kind of fighter that thinks with his penis as opposed than actually planning his attacks out thoughtfully. Kan-U’s patience for the pervert warrior has waned, so she glows green and powers up her Spear-Cannon-Lazer, I am pretty sure its a lazer spear because that glow is the colour of Imperial lazers from Star Wars. Before any of you assume she is launching a Death Star beam, she’s actually slamming her spear into the ground to create some kind of shockwave attack. Krillin is apparently not afraid of this shockwave and uses a thin wooden stick to repel what looks like a serious mini-earthquake. I sincerely hope they have Earthquake insurance. After repelling the Shockwave attack, Krillin still longs for Kan-U’s boobs (possibly because his monthly subscription of Megami was cancelled). Kan-U did a roundhouse kick which would have him see his local dentist for a very long time.

Charging her lazer, half naked.

Obligatory Pantyshot.

Meanwhile, Chouhi is soloing all the mobs at the academy entrance. I think they she took down like ten fighter guys all in one hit, so either she’s really overpowered or those guys are as useful as fighters like Glasses-girl (meaning, completely useless). After killing more guys than the two men at the start of the episode, her clothes are all ripped and she’s exhausted, I don’t understand the severe ripping. Maybe the guys were good at clawing at her clothes in a sad attempt to get her naked as opposed to actually wanting to win the fight. Whatever the reason, reinforcements have arrived for her and Kan-U prepares to receive their next guest. However, this Rei-lookalike isn’t here to draw their blood, but is most likely there to offer her aid. Like Kan-U, Ryomou’s appearance in a episode basically brings the score up one notch, I mean seriously, its Rei, with an Eyepatch and a penchant for breaking more spines than Sub Zero would in Mortal Kombat (insta-win kind of material).

Delicious feet, must lick.

We’d love to see more of them throughout the season, Yes.

Next episode will be a doozy, and I will be sure not to miss it and I hope you’ll continue joining me in finding out just how further the studio will push the censorship envelop (we win either way). I am hedging my bets on some Kan-U versus Ryomou hotness, and if we combine Eyepatch-Rei’s erotic martial arts/wrestling style with the pair on Kan-U, please expect me to score it high with reckless abandon (all my sensory organs will go to overload and I will be unable to think clearly). In the meantime, don’t stroke your harbls too much and we’ll check in later in the week for more pantyvision fighting.
Cheers,

Darkshaunz