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  • Getsumen To Heiki Miina - 01 - Carrots just got Awesome

    Posted on February 8th, 2007 by Darkshaunz - 3,788 Views

    Darkshaunz gets into a Bunnysuit

    Score: 9.9/10

    I’ve always been a fan of the short animation known as Daicon IV, which was made by Gainax in their early days to boost their portfolio, it featured a bunnygirl going through the ages and western pop references in her magical mini-pilot length journey. I then found out that they were going to make an anime out of that this season. I believe the Daicon IV bunnygirl was then reincarnated as the OP bunny lady for Densha Otoko (as a homage), so thats where its originally from. I don’t know anything about the Densha Otoko drama series, but I do know that this first subbed episode of *gasps for air* Getsumen To Heiki Miina (what a mouthful) is putting the red in my cheeks again, and giving me the urge…for carrots.

    Life as a Teen Celebrity is truly glamorous.

    So to start things off, we get introduced to Miina, our healthy schoolgirl lead (mmm). She’s your typical energetic, slightly clumsy, albeit clumsy heroine type. Basically we are left wondering how she got to that age without losing a limb or poking her eye out whilst tying her shoelaces. She’s rehearsing some lines out loud for a gig over at the local Television studio, apparently for a program called Luna TV. Our poor girl gets lost on her first day on the job and interrupts a live broadcast. I’d call rolling in front of two very professional looking news announcers in a HUEG bunnysuit and then saluting (whilst gasping) to the thousands of viewers on national television, a disaster. Seeing as she is the main character of the story, I knew she had some plot armour and wouldn’t be fired anyway, no matter how much the faggy-looking short man with sausage lips wanted her out.

    “Now we head live to the studio for a-WTF IS THAT?”

    If you see this, chances are, your live show is screwed.

    Miina is very embarassed by the whole event naturally, and apologizes like every good Japanese schoolgirl would when she screws up a national broadcast. She also bends down with her ass slightly lifted for the camera, which was just damned delicious. Now, call me dirty minded, but why the hell was there a camera in that angle (and Zoomed for that matter) positioned at her fine behind if not for us to applaud and cheer? I know Im applauding and cheering, she can bend down to apologize more often. Then we meet the rest of the gang, an over the top “Needs to get laid ASAP” professional woman announcer, and the cool Pocky-eating guy (damn him, at least I have gummi bears) who is bound to be the one to steal Miina’s achy breaky heart. There’s also the scheming Erscatin with her sentient Fringe (I think we should call him Robert) and the Gendou Ikari clone Director. With a cast like that, how could this show be dull? The answer is: “It only has the insane potential to be even more awesome”.

    Oh Sweet Haruhi, grant me the strength to resist. Must….Resist….

    Pocky is always Trendy.

    Run Gendou Ikari Clone! Her Sentient Fringe is out to eat your brain!

    I noticed something about Miina whilst taking pictures and watching the episode, her eyes are hypnotic, not because they swirl or anything, but there’s still soft red gleam to it, kind of like Rei Ayanami’s (maybe my brain is doing one of those stupid association things). Transition away now, and it looks like Miina goes to school, well naturally, she is a schoolgirl. Not all schoolgirls have Otome Robes or Cardcapturing to do, nope, some girls are actually normal students….with part time jobs as National TV broadcasters. Viewers get the opportunity to see her school, which has a MASSIVE canteen, I mean goddamn, its like 2 football fields (maybe thats the school, a massive canteen). Two guys appear, and Im assuming they will be the male leads, one one hand, we have some unnamed guy who will be the victim of “Immah Charging mah Lazer” Shops and on the other, Kanchi. Kanchi looked like an emo kid from the first glance, and the moment he opened his mouth, he confirmed my judgment. I then pulled the play slider back to double check if his name was actually “Shinji Ikari” or not.

    This is just Dying for a Shoop Da Lazer shop.

    Cheer up emo kid.

    Being the hardworking, energetic girl type, she must practice everyday to become the very best, like noone ever was. This isn’t your Naruto Kunai-throwing practice, but a Tenacious Twirling Twisting Tour of the Tongue. Cutting back to the creepy Gendo Ikari Director now, and it seems that he has a plan up his sleeve after all. After Miina’s huge blunder, viewership actually increased! Wow! I mean come on, its like having the Ninja Turtles suddenly bursting in on the 9 o’ clock news, who would not want to watch that? Just when you think things are stabilizing, we are taken to a Base on the Moon. Thats right, a fucking spaceport or something to that effect. I don’t know how this massive structure (complete with creepy space lights) managed to escape detection from European, American, Chinese and Russian satellites. That aside, we get our answer when a Baby in a pod with bunny ears appears in front of our eyes, with both eyes lit up. I felt stupid, everything made sense now, the reason we couldnt detect the supermassive space base on the moon was because of a cosplaying baby in a pod. Excuse whilst I go take my meds. By the way Podbaby (is what Im calling him now) wants Miina.

    She’s got a good tongue. Yeah I’ve got a dirty picture in my mind too.

    He actually wants to eat your children.

    I was prematurely taken away from Podbaby and his crazy Moonbase to Erscatin, the scheming temptress with the sentient Fringe. My scientists are still analyzing her fringe, but we believe that its probrably got something to do with a certain girl from Pani Poni Dash. She tells Miina that the guy she is about to interview is an Alien (She meant foreigner, Oh Erscatin, you cad). Being a good hearted person of the series, she sends our heroine into the wrong corridor anyway. After making us go through a minute or so of watching her get lost in a sea of corridors, she finally gets to Nikaudo the “Alien”. Note my generous usage of “Alien”, this could be an Indicator to something “Alien” related further on. She barges in, to find Nikaudo the “Drug Abuser”. The guy looked more like a crack abuser as opposed to anything alien, but he sure was freaky. After a few seconds of groaning, he transformed into a real looking alien, but nothing fantastic. Fantastic would be say, if he turned into a Hydralisk or something.

    Could she possibly be hinting at something? Possibly.

    Screw the rules, I have demonic eyes.

    Audiences are then wowed for a second time, at Miina’s fine fine Ass. I mean they are calling Code Geass, “Code GreatAss”, wait till they watch this anime (Really Fine Ass here). I wont deny pausing the scene, drinking water and eating some dessert just appreciating that junk in the trunk (oh baby). As if that money shot was not enough, the alien man starts excreting a sticky, yellowish-white, cream like substance from his face. At this point I am confused, are we meant to fap at this part or what? There was so much sexual innuendo oozing from this point (pardon the pun), my brain was sending my engines into neutral just to be safe. I’d like to remind readers that at this point, I had no idea what the fuck was going on, except that it was awesome, unexpected and I had a good 5 second exposure of some schoolgirl behind. Just when some “J-j-jamming it in” was about to happen, Miina is rescued by a girl in a skintight leather bunnysuit with more cleavage than Pamela Anderson. I was hoping for some kind of *explanation*, the only think she said that was she was also a Miina and she was a “Bunny Warrior”. Thanks for clearing that up Miina, Bunny Warrior Princess…Not.

    Baby give me some of that tiiiight Sherona!


    Your boobs are also dying to get out. Leash those things, woman.

    Alien Man, who realized that he was no match for a Sexy Bunnygirl Warrior at this point, then resumed his Jelly Form (Strawberry Flavour) and slushed into the nearby vent. I don’t get it, why do Jelly monsters always use the goddamned vents? they could be different once in a while and use the Front Door, you know, the structure designed for Actual ENTRY and EXIT? Whilst Miina is caught up in Bunny on Jelly action, Erscatin is happily plotting her takeover sceheme as interviewer to Nikaudo. Her celebration is shortlived when a massive sea of gushing strawberry flavoured jelly rushes towards her. The two guys ran in and she screamed for her life, personally, I would have opened my mouth and had some free Jelly, you can’t go wrong with the stuff. Erscatin then gets up a bit and says, “Something ran over Me”. Seriously, well done Sherlock Erscatin, would you like your Head Investigator’s Badge now? Of course something ran over you, you can’t exactly miss a Sea of Gushing Strawberry Flavoured Jelly wooshing down the corridor.

    No Shit its coming, its not walking up the freaking stairs now is it?


    Just when you thought things couldn’t get more chaotic, awesome and nonsensical, they absolutely do. Jelly alien transforms into a Baseball Mech with Fists of Fury, I suspect he is a Decepticon. Following this transformer scene, is an epic battle between an inappropriately dressed leathersuit bunnygirl and an Evil baseball robot. I can’t believe I just typed out that sentence either, but I did, and this is what makes this series, simply royal. Miina II (This is what Im calling the Black leathersuit Miina) has a special attack she launches, where she basically waves these massive bat things around and jiggle her boobs a lot, I am not sure how much damage the latter does to the opponent, but I wont be the one to complain. I am left to wonder just what in Haruhi’s name is happening around here, but its okay because Podbaby is here on our world to tell Miina (and us) what the fuck is going on. Apparently, anyone with the name of Miina is automatically part of the Rebel Alli-I mean Galactic Rabbit Force. Miina can’t help but to pinch and fondle with Podbaby, lets face it, its a baby in a Jellybean Pod with Bunny ears, he is Bound to be Pinched.


    Super Fanservice Combo!!!

    Sensing her cluelessness, Podbaby decides to take matters into his own hands (except he doesnt have any). He does some satanic chanting, and forces his carrot into Miina’s hot little mouth. Her eyes go all Super Saiyan and she undergoes what I can only describe as a Sailormoon-esque transformation with a lot of closeups to her hip, ass and chest areas. Her actual outfit covers maybe 30% of her bootilicious body, so I am sure some of us here have already used some Kleenex at this point of the episode. The next scenes was basically a massive wet dream effect for all Karas-animation lovers out there. You will never, EVER see another Carrot Missile Launching sequence more epic and refined then the one you will see in this episode. In short, it divided my mind by zero twice, and I think the universe orgasmed when the sequence ended. At this point, using mortal words to describe the following scenes should be a Mortal sin. Now all I need is an Epic Space Battle involving Lazer Carrots and I will die a young and happy man.

    Now with 10% less clothing. I like.

    Its a Bunnny Missile, riding on a Turbo traincar, in a moonbase.

    Accurate Depiction of a Railgun Orgasm.

    The carrots in said legendary launch sequence is in fact part of Miina’s arsenal and Podbaby tells her that her battle DNA should allow her to perform well in the coming battle against the Evil baseball robot. Now that Miina has two massive carrots shoved up her tushie, she is ready to save mankind from that nasty robot. Miina II is getting her cleavage cleaved by the robot (pun VERY intended), and was somewhat glad to have Miina fight alongside her. As if watching one Bunnygirl fighting wasn’t superb enough, now we get to watch two in action. Stop the press, we have yet another moneyshot (Third one already!), this time to camera is zoomed on Miina’s rack. I would recommend having a cup of water beside you if you are drooling excessively at this point in the episode, dehydration is bad. According to Podbaby, Miina’s weapon is fused with her body, so her body is a weapon (lol Im a Genius), this sounds awesome and damned sexual (I like where this is going).

    *Puts a pillow on lap*

    She can “Attack” me anytime.

    Miina’s special attack definitely looks more impressive when compared with Miina II’s, she joins her two carrots into some alternate battle-hammer thing with fusion boosters. And, get this, she Cushions the joining sequence with her breasts. You actually see rather clearly, her breasts absorbing the shock of the fusion sequence. At this particular part of the episode, I am sure that Miina’s carrots aren’t the only ones “Firing” *Cough Cough*. Following a Breasty weapon sequence, Miina does a Whirlwind Tornado Up, Down, Left, Up Ryu-Highkick-Sohryu Fatality Chain combo on the Robot monster, after it was softened up by Miina II. Naturally, no alien robot could withstand such an over-the-top psycho special attack, especially two of which were performed by vixens with more sex appeal than a bucketload of playmates. There’s also the obligatory pan back to the creepy director, who is about to get sued by Gendou Ikari (Get your own pose, creepy director archetype guy!).

    My life is now complete.

    “….Activate the Dummy Plug”

    As we conclude the episode, it turns out that the Evil baseball robot was just a small alien bunny after all. Viewers are rewarded with an absolutely unforgettable scene with two bunnygirls holding up a defeated alien bunny by the ears, in a baseball stadium, I didn’t know whether to laugh, cry or inject myself with carrot serum. The whole thing was so supercalifragilisticexpliadocious. After all that action, we get the victory dinner where everyone eats some Ramen to celebrate mankind (and Bunnykind) victory over evil Decepticon Baseball Transformers and Jelly Alien Rabbits. Before we are let go to the ending credits though, we get a “Taste” of the MILF which will be gracing our screens very soon. Gentlemen, I’d recommend stocking up on those tissues, I smell a MILF Bunny-woman transformation sequence “coming”.

    All this anime needs now is magical fairy dus-Oh wait.

    A Legendary Moment in Modern Anime.

    In closing, I’d like to say, I never enjoyed myself with an anime episode like this in a while. Its one where you dont have to think, but have to, I was amusing myself by figuring out when I had to tune my brain in or unplug it in totality. The anime never takes itself seriously from the start, and does a stellar job in maintaining interest, promoting pandemonium, presenting itself in crisp-colour and having melted butter-like animation. I just hope the production team didn’t blow the budget on the Carrot-missile launch sequence. Even if the show does turn into “Musashi Quality” after episode one, I have great faith in Carrot-Fine-Ass, Cleavage-from-Heaven, Milf-Bunnywoman and Crazy Podbaby to save the day. Now if you would excuse me, I have some carrots I have to gnaw on.

    A Little Supper for Retsgip.



    7 comments to “Getsumen To Heiki Miina - 01 - Carrots just got Awesome”

    Please use <spoiler></spoiler> tags when appropriate, thanks!

    1. i didn’t like this episode but your article is really funny :D

    2. I think Miina is more likely to go for the woman newscaster than the guy.

      Who would you rather taking a bath in a large tile basin of hot water decorated in rose petals, Erscatin or Miina? You don’t have to choose; you get to see both! this has been a test of the spoiler tag system.

    3. holy shat, 9.9/10 wow does this mean guaranteed darkshaunz coverage? xD

      i enjoyed this show as well, it’s hilariously random and the CG sequences are just awesome!

    4. @Danny: Yeah, it gave me a red-blooded injection like Black Lagoon did. Its got this unique flavour and style and it doesnt give a shit about the other series competing with it. I like that a lot, I’ll definitely be interested in covering the rest of the series, just because it has “Spunk”.

      God forbid they threw their whole budget away on the first CG sequence.

    5. […] Ass-Carrots a Go-Go, Getsumen to Heiki Miina - link […]

    6. A

    7. fap, fap, fap, fap, fap …

      Just kidding. All the skin tends to distract from whatever plot might be going on. It’s obvious who the target audience is, and I guess they can enjoy the plot between their own personal “episodes”, but it’s just a bit disturbing when they tart up the main heroine which folks have come to respect.

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