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  • Ikkitousen Dragon Destiny - 00 - Set Lazers to FAP

    Posted on February 26th, 2007 by Darkshaunz - 5,753 Views

    Darkshaunz puts his pants back on

    Score: Best Borderline Hentai Trailer. Ever.

    This has as much to do with Dragons, as it has much to do with Night Shift Nurses. I downloaded the small 2 minute promo to see what the new series would offer. I ended up watching 2 episodes from the original series because I had a case of seriously bad subs. By the time you read this, I am sure the Raw for episode 1 would be out. Dare I say this anime could be what every otaku has dreamed of, its like the Gift of the Heavens. Boobs, Panties, The Hottest spear wielding girl you have ever seen and Dragons (Surprised?), this anime undoubtedly has it all (seriously).

    This anime will have Planes

    I believe I can fly. lolololol.

    Planes are the absolute frontier of human aviation technology. With this knowledge and power, man has reached space. Also planes are really cool, and if there are planes in an anime, it means the anime will be totally awesome. The reason being I have feeling a whole bunch of babes will totally fight on a plane and like blow it up (they can even fight INSIDE the Plane!). I am really excited to see more planes in anime, especially since the only plane related anime I ever watched or knew about is Area 88 (remake and ovas).

    Eyepatch-chan with Crazy Sword

    Kabitzin’s going to kill me. But oh well, FAP FAP FAP.

    Then we have a Rei-look a like wearing a Goth Lolita Dress, wearing a sexy Eyepatch and wielding what looks like a Vibrosword with Handcuffs clipped on them. Wow, I mean, I think my brain just orgasmed due to the fact that my mind barriers have been literally torn down by all these sexual fetishes stacked on top of each other. I also should mention that Eyepatch-chan is totally GAR and I bet whenever she does a psycho attack, she will look completely sensuous. I don’t care what anyone may say about Dragon Destiny, because right now, She’s probrably the hottest looking thing this season (save for Aoi and Sakurai from T-Majin).

    Pictured: Hot and Crazy Sword.

    Cookie-Eating Glasses Girl

    Cookies make healthy girls.

    I love Cookies. Do you guys like cookies? Chocolate Chip and Macadamia Nut cookies are bloody delicious, especially with some warm milk or tea. But cookies are best when they are eaten by anime high school girls wearing glasses. The reason she has all those crumbs around her mouth is an excuse for the animators to make her lick the crumbs off and send our healthy red-blooded physiology into a FRENZY. Japan, making eating cookies look like sexual foreplay since 2007.


    Angry Shrine Maiden and Moe Shrine Maiden

    She is going to fight against Jesus himself.

    She is going to get /tentacle’d.

    We love our Shrine Maidens in anime. They are usually stupidly sexy young girls who through the workings of Fate and Destiny, devote their model-like bodies to don the holy shrouds. Oh, and God knows how many hentai-related things I’ve come across with Shrine Maidens, I guess its the same with the “Naughty Nun” kind of crap we see here in the Western Hemisphere. According to the saying, “The more pure something is, the more pleasurable it is to destroy and corrupt”, Shrine Maidens definitely have it in spades. The angry shrine maiden will probrably end up brawling Jesus himself (in her underwear) I am guessing, and the soft, gentle and kind looking Moe Shrine Maiden is probrably the next target for the Tentacle Demon Society.

    Spear Lady with Undersized Uniform

    My, what “Big Eyes” you have.

    This anime is probrably all about this girl/lady/hotsauce. I mean, she got the coolest sequence in the promo aside from Eyepatch-chan. I don’t know much about her, but what I do know is that she has a beautiful pair of legs, thighs and frankly speaking the uniform she has on was probrably meant for a student like 3 years her junior. They cover her up as much as a Side-tie Bikini would (as in, its just there as a courtesy cover). She wears Red Gloves, has the whole Badass Saior uniform look and dilated eyes which suggest some form of crack addiction. For obvious reasons, I can’t screenshot the part where her un-supported boobs are exposed in all their beauty, but all I can say is, “Boob physics” are in play in this anime. This promo totally shits on some of the Hollywood trailers you see in Cinemas. I am also certain there are like 569,012 doujins of her and her “Spear” *cough*Dildo*cough*.

    Yes. Very YES.

    High-Cut Cheongsam Psycho Babe with a Killer Yoyo

    I has a Yoyo.

    Remember Shenhua from Black Lagoon? That lady wearing the stupidly hot cheongsam wielding a stringed Kukris was probrably the sexiest Taiwanese-accentuated thing to exist in all of anime. Dragon Destiny caught on to this and made their own Shenhua, this one has a slightly more generous rack, thighs which would make even Spear Lady blush, and a Yoyo thing with a massive steel ball. She even crosses her legs all badass-like, making all the viewers completely enthralled with her killer legs. At this point in the promotional video, I am totally fuckstunned. I am not sure whether the latter is an actual word, but it is now. Wow guys, its a psycho babe with enough Hot to power a volcano, and she’s wielding a Steel Ball yoyo, this is awesome (right? Right!?).

    There’s a fire in my pants, and I do not wish to put it out.

    This anime will have Epic Battles, with Panty vision

    They tell me there’s a fight going on, I don’t see no fight. I see only France….

    The animation looks really good, I can tell because a lot of attention to detail was not only paid to the high-paced action scenes, but making sure that the ladies and their “Assets” were all represented properly during the course of fighting. I guarantee ground-breaking, explosions, swords and skull cracking will all take place in the series, and with more panty-zoom angles than condoms in a condom shop (ouch!). The only problem is, what do we pay attention to? The amazingly animated fight scenes or their legs and boobs bouncing around the joint? Now I understand how those people playing Dead or Alive Extreme Beach Volleyball feel.

    Gothloli Lego-lass with Modern Sniper bow


    I knew what you were thinking, after psycho babe in Cheongsam, it couldn’t get more awesome right? So very wrong, there’s also this girl wearing a Gothloli outfit who is an archer. I have watched enough Medieval war movies and LOTR to know that everyone loves archers, hell ask the SaiGAR voters how much they love Archer(s). Her bow looks like a modern one, no doubt it will have lazer sight, front shell ejection and a coffee vendoring function when we see it in action during the course of the series. Like all the other girls in the series, she looks extremely hittable (hope you guys have enough stamina to last the series). When she shoots her bow, there is like a Holy Cross behind her. So she must be like an Apostle of a Holy Order of Archer babes, thats so completely intense and stuff.

    Glasses girl in poorly buttoned school shirt

    “Ok, now make some moaning noises”.

    My eyes are all blurry and crap by this point in the promo, my brain just rejected all the sensory overloads. This one girl took the cake, in all respects. There was like a Porno-film cam zooming onto her as she was I don’t know, about to overdose on drugs or turn into a dragon (It is called Dragon Destiny after all). I am not sure why she’s there or even if she is a fighter in any way. Perhaps she was put there to confuse Promo-analyzers like me. I am confused, on whether or not this was a promo for the next best-animated Hentai or not (is it?).

    Super Saiyans, Rofl

    “….Hay Vegeta”

    Then, the unexpected happens! Audiences actually see a male in the promo video (Gassp!!!). On the first glance, he totally has the Dragon Ball Z power aura about him, and I am sure he is related in some way to Son Goku and Vegeta (Their love child perhaps). However, I am sure this guy will be the one to romance all the girls in the series with his Dragon-in-my-pants move and in the finale, he totally beds them all like a real Super Saiyan man would (I will download that episode faster than bees to honey). The trailer doesn’t give out much information, but it does tell us that 1) He is a very angry man 2) He is more interested in killing the girls than sexing them and 3) There ARE actual Dragons (haha) in the series. *Takes series away from “Misleading Title” category*.

    Finally, some Testosterone to equal out the Estrogen.

    Half Naked Girl Riding on a Blue Dragon

    I was literally laughing at the vest. Hard.

    In Mortal Kombat, the legendary Fatality move is used to completely Blitz the opponent into the other world. In Dragon Destiny, the Fatality arrives in the form of a half naked girl (why she even bothers with the vest is beyond me) piloting a massive blue dragon. Needless to say, I was completely speechless at this point, I literally froze in front of my computer. The big flesh in my skull just said to the rest of my body, “Red Alert. Red Alert. Critical Mass imminent”. To the guys and gals blogging this series, I’d be very surprised if they scored it below say a 10 (out of 10). Because seriously, where else would you find enough batshit insane fetishes stacked on top of one another with magical dragons flying around (with half naked schoolgirls on them, goddamnit). This anime is going to rock my socks (and pants) and I am sure you guys will have the “pleasure” of “enjoying” the series with me.

    In Conclusion

    I really need to go to Japanese High Schools.

    A Serious contender for the hallowed Retsgip’s BotB 2007 award. If you aren’t already fapping to this, you should probrably go see a doctor. It has a fetish for everyone, in fact, its Innovating new fetishes and it has Planes (Planes, dudes, Planes). I’d be very serious when I say I would download the first subbed episode to see how it goes, because I am interested in the engaging storyline and character development (honest). If Tokyo Majin is the action-saving series of this season, then Dragon Destiny will shift the balance from Lolilicious 2007 to High School Girl Sexilicious 2007. I am excited (both in the dirty and sincere way).



    PS: Use Kleenex. Fapper-friendly tissues.

    13 comments to “Ikkitousen Dragon Destiny - 00 - Set Lazers to FAP”

    Please use <spoiler></spoiler> tags when appropriate, thanks!

      Your entry made me laugh and fall of my chair rolling and laughing all the way to the kitchen.

    2. I’ve never laughed so hard!

    3. It’s over nine thosaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand!!!!!!

      I’m appalled and aghast that the first episode was censored. CENSORED!!!??

    4. lolllllllll…. General DS… this entry woke me up from my nap….

    5. and i watched the first episode already. It’s pretty …ermm…how should I say it.

      There’s implied sex, tons of fanservice and a pretty awesome fight.

    6. I love you.

    7. Just missed my lunch interval reading this… totally worth it!

    8. I’ve put up the bounty already on “The Blinderer”. Your fapping will leave both you and the eyepatch-chans without vision. You have no chance, make your time.

      I noticed you mentioned that this series will test the viewer’s… stamina.

    9. I watched the first season and was surprised to find it wasn’t as bad as everyone said it was. I also watched the english dub which made it seem like an American B-movie with way more blatant fanservice. I have a few questions about this new one though. Where did eyepatch-chan get that sword? In the last one she only used joint locks, occasionally aided by the handcuffs, and said she was cumming as she was dislocating a guys shoulders and/or elbows. “Spear Lady with Undersized Uniform” needs lots more screen time. She only had like 2 scenes in the original. The cookie girl, miko, china dress girl, busty meganeko, and goth-loli-archer-chan are new to me though. Anyone know if they were in the manga? “Half Naked Girl Riding on a Blue Dragon” is of course the ditzy protagonist of the original. I have no idea who the super saiyan is supposed to be. All the guys look alike because they’re not really the point of the show.

      I didn’t even know this was airing yet. This definitely needs to be subbed. I think I might as well watch the raws anyway, it’s not like the dialog is the important part of the show.

    10. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eZ1X-rbhoY

    11. someone wanna sex

    12. LawL

    13. travesti

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