Retsgip’s Anime Blog

Have the Bleach writers finally stooped so low as to shamelessly plug pop culture trends(rape, emo, and beards) into their episodes to boost their ratings?!? Why Bleach, WHY!? Only a few weeks ago you were sweetly caressing my balls as you coo’d me to sleep at night, and then out came the hammer, with a full double-handed downward motion that made Mario himself jealous. I heard (from a reliable source) yesterday that Mario sacrificed something like 200 Goombas on Mount Doom to appease the gods and bestow upon him the power to swing a hammer like Bleach does–results are still pending.

Somebody pass the cheese, I’m gonna be drinking a lot of whine.

Rape:

Much like pop culture trends, rape comes and goes as it pleases. Nobody knows when or where it will strike next, but when it strikes, it strikes hard. Hard and fast, unless of course its slow…yeah whatever. The point is: rape sells, and it sells big. Aizen agrees. The best part about rape is that it sells in almost every culture! Three cheers for rape!

I’m not entirely sure I know the full extent of Hacchi’s powers, but I’m pretty sure Orihime is no longer a virgin.

Am I the only one who finds this scene unquestionably erotic…?”

I don’t know about you, but after watch the past few Bleach episodes, I’m on rape overload. Of course, while funny, the Hacchi scene was actually quite disturbing. I mean, who the hell wants to watch a HUGE fat guy rape some high school gir–put your damn hands down you sick bastards! Then of course, we get a new level of male-bonding like we have never seen before. Oh no, this isn’t Gai/Lee male-bonding, with the blatant sunset and crashing waves gayness. Ishida and his father have a much deeper metaphorical gayness which you can only see if you pay close attention and of course, a 20 year old mind (fuck yeah Brain Age, baby). I watched in horror as the two had some foreplay action going on, then moved to the hot and sweaty stage, and then they both blew their load basically at the same time. I didn’t know whether to congratulated them for having simultaneous orgasms or pray to god that my brain does explode. It didn’t help that afterwards Ishida’s father metaphorically dripped cum all over his son’s face with his sly final comments and unnerving smirk. FUCK! Tissue anyone? I think I’ll take one…to cry with, of course.

Emo:

I’m not exactly sure about Japanese pop culture on this one, but dear god Americans love the emo. Take a stroll into Hot Topic and see for yourself. You can get your wrists slit professionally satisfy all of your emo needs in there. What’s worse is that now we’ve got these lady figures like Orihime going emo and probably creating a chain reaction among women across the globe. Watch closely as we see her slowly regress into a state of no return:

“Hai Guys!”

“Nobody loves me because I can’t fight. Where’s my boxcutters…?”

Orihime: “Ichigo…*sniff* Am I still pretty?!”
Ichigo: “*cough* Of course! You have such lovely…hair”
(fyi that’s smeared makeup from crying…grats finger pad + paint)

Beards:

Honestly, who doesn’t love a well formed beard? For any women who claim they hate beards, you’re lying. I know deep down in your heart you want a sexy white guy with some sexy facial hair. Oh no I don’t mean the random stuble here and there, I mean full beard sexiness. I’m not sure about other guys, but a nicely trimmed beard or some 5 o’clock shadow really turns me on. Unfortunately, Bleach really isn’t doing a great job with this insertion of pop culture. I mean, practically everyone is cleanly shaved except for maybe Urahara and his beard is like WTF?!

He’s been growing his beard out all his life…

Seriously though, what the hell is that crap on his chin there. I had to bust out my magnifying glass to make sure it was actually facial hair and not some week old dirt on his face because god knows its rather dirty down in that secret chamber. Now, if they really wanted to make Urahara cool, they would have done it with a little more style. For example:

This is what a real man looks like

Don’t get me wrong here, Urahara is a pretty kick ass character, and I’m not targeting his gar-factor in any way. I’m just disappointed at the damn writers for throwing in some half-ass facial hair. I mean, if you’re gonna do it, do it right! Toss in some curly chest hair and we’d definitely be in business. Oooohhh yes. I’m a happy camper just thinking about it.

SIGH (130):

I totally didn’t see this one coming /shock

I’m getting tired of these craptastically written episodes lately. At first I was mildly entertained by the beginning of the shota Shouta arc, but now I’m practically clawing my eyes out as the episodes struggle to stay on track. Tell me, why are the Hollow suddenly so hard to kill? Why is Shouta faster than some of the captains? Why does it always look like Shouta wants a piece of his little sister’s ass? All in all, I’m not very motivated by the series currently, and that’s sad because I don’t have much free time to write.

Hopefully all of these questions and more will be answered in Episode 131! (lol, yeah right)

-Retsgip