Retsgip’s Anime Blog

Darkshaunz tries to DDR without tripping breaking an arm.

It’s finally here, the Full Dance ED sequence to last year’s hyped Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. Personally, we at Retsgip anime blog were entertained by the series, and we always did appreciate the cool dance they did at the end of each episode. Now that the full thing is here, something crossed my mind whilst watching it, the individual poses which make up the full thing are actually nothing but references to Dragonball Z, real ife, memes, hip hop and even Nazi Germany. Yes, its finally a true dancing animu. Ladies and Gentlemen, I invite you to a journey into the workings of a 1 minute ED sequence.

The Sex Pistols

In this pose, notice that the girls are all doing the “Pistol Grip” thing on their hands, and are slanting their sexy little hips to the right slighly, with their arms providing the “Hip” emphasize. When we think of the cutest girls of last year, we think sexy. Wait a second, Sexy + Pistol stance must = Sex Pistols! The Sex Pistols were of course, a legendary Rock band (some of the older readers among us will definitely remember them). The fact that the girls emphasized on their hips is just a bonus tribute to the Sex Pistols album - From the Hip.

The Bootylicious Swing

Clearly, this sequence was mirroring the popular dances of today. Gone are the days of the Waltz and Foxtrot among the young (not counting dance schools), rather we get to feast our eyes on some delicious booty on MTV. Elvis pioneered the hip swaying dance which sent girls into a frenzy back in the late 50s, and now we get to see Mikuru, Haruhi and Yuki all shaking their junk in their junk. The term bootylicious may be a very hip hop term, but ass-shaking is a staple of the Middle-Eastern swim dance. Then again, all of that is just an excuse for me to see Yuki shake her ass.

Check dis Bling, brotha’

Haruhi then does a little solo where she gets down to some serious business. Bling Bling business, that is. Before some people think she goes Snoop Doggy Dawg on us, she just gives us the Bling pose. She even has her teeth flashed, but this requires some imagination. Just picture some of her teeth replaced with Golden ones, her hand filled with goldren rigns and knuckles and her neck swathed with golden crosses. Viola! we get a Haruhi that just cropped up from a Tupac Promotional Poster (R.I.P man). Please note that Haruhi is So Bling that she flashes that hand pose not just on one hand, but both. Word, Sista’.

The Divine Hand of Fury

Woah, then Haruhi goes all Martial Arts on us of all of a sudden. In this still shot, you can clearly see that our true God knows her Kung Fu. Well, technically that is technique is more Tai Chi than Kung Fu. Its called the “Balanced Palm Stance”, emphasis on the circular motion of the palms, breathing regulation and Chi generation. Gerenally, the stance was meant to emulate the circular twin forces of nature, Yin and Yang. In Chinese legend and martial arts, the final attack coming out from a palm contact would be one of great force, with most energy coming from the controller’s Chi as opposed to raw physical strength. The get a good grasp of the skill, just imagine Neji’s skill when he uses Chakra to cripple his opponent’s vitals in Naruto. I guess Haruhi is just bringing in a new definition to the saying, “Fist of the Heavens”.

Fo Shizzle’ Yo.

After a brief Martial Arts interlude, it was time to get back to some chillin’ with the Suzumiya girls. This time we got another side to Mikuru’s character (aside from the hot loli face and massive carrier rack). I didn’t know Mikuru was such a gangsta’, as she pulls off a Fo Shizz/Word pose for all of us to chill with. I could choose to interpret this as a satire to postmodern african-american music subculture, but lets face it, its our Mikuru, doing the coolest pose since her ear got sexually bitten by Haruhi in one of the episodes. So if you thought Haruhi was much cooller thanks to her Bling pose, I just believe she doesn’t have anything on that sweet Mikuru chillin’ pose. Oh Mikuru, you’re such a playa’.

I am a Teapot, Short and Stout.

Here is my handle

Here is my spout

When I get all steamed up

Hear me shout:

Tip me over

and pour me out!

Cock goes where?

Now now, to all the red blooded young guys out there, I know what you are imgining right now. You are picturing Mikuru shoving a well cooked piece of cock (chicken) into that deliciously sexy moe mouth of hers right? RIGHT!?? When I saw this scene, I immediately it was referencing a very famous 4chan meme, in fact, its so legendary its still being used today in the /a/ imageboard. Generous usage of a beaten dead horse meme aside, this is clearly a very blatant reference. I mean come on, her mouth is open, she is looking at the viewer with questioning eyes and is pointing to her directly to her mouth. The girl wants to know where the cock should go, and I think its our job as Men of the future to show her the way. I was referring all the time to the male chicken (cock), of course. If you were thinking of something else, please feel free to comment.

The Jedi Force Push

As most of my readers know, I am strong believer that 99% of anime characters have some kind of Jedi Force power, and this still shot totally proves that theory of mine. As you can see, the three girls are doing the trademark Obi Wan Kenobi Jedi Force push, possibly to eradicate the sith among the Haruhi anime audience (those dark side bastards). If you notice very closely when this sequence happens, the camera warps and does a convex effect around Haruhi and slightly disorients the viewpoint of Yuki and Mikuru. Clearly, only The Force is capable such massive powers of insane superiority. Attached with the girls is Keanu Reeves totally owning the shit of a cameraman with his Jedi Powers. May the Force be with you, Haruhi Suzumiya (and Master Keanu Reeves, lol).

ZOMGWTFBBQ Pose

In this particular shot, the girls are doing the Internet’s most famed interpretation of a rea life “Gasp” also known as the “ZOMGWTFBBQ”. I am unsure of the origins of ZOMG, in fact I think nowadays people are switching to ZOMdays (lol wtf?). But I will just assumed it was some guy on hard crack who decided to add a Z (because Zs are fucking cool, I should know) to “OMG” to create an Internet powerhouse of a term which is still used by poor CS noobs who get HS’d by Awps. At this point in time, I am unsure of whether they are trying to parody this legendary BBQ term, or whether the anime cameraman that is shooting the three girls dancing suddenly lost his pants in front of them. Buts its very good to know that even Japan is recognizing the awesomeness of ZOMGWTFBBQ(tm).

A Parody in a Parody? Divide by Zero, and become An Hero

So an anime which is well known for parodying all the famous anime and including Japanese cultural references now parodies itself? Did you feel that slight jolt in your body? Its kind of like when you see yourself in the mirror, and seeing your mirror’s self looking in the mirror’s self mirror, and that mirror self looking into an infinite mobius ring of mirror selfs and mirrors. Haruhi is of course, parodying her favourite guy, Kyon as he does his Trademark sigh. In fact the imitation is pretty good, she even has his slight eyebrow raise perfected. There is that saying that, “God is all knowing”, I wish to correct that to, “God is all knowing of how to Parody flawlessly”. For those of you who are fans of Kyon’s sigh, you’ll welcome its return come Haruhi Season 2 this year.

Rule number one - We do not talk about SoS-Dan

If you think about it, the SoS-Dan is a pretty exclusive club with very unique individuals. Mere mortals (with Kyon, an exception) are not really welcome there. I think currently, the club’s open to Psychic Lolis, Hollows, Half-Cyborg Automations and People with Two heads. This got me thinking, this must be referencing another exclusive club in the real world, especially since all five of them look like they want to take out my front teeth. I realized, that this club is of course, the Fight Club. I know I broke the first rule just by typing it out on this blog, but rest assured, both my legs have been broken already. I’d also like to stop here, just in case some crazed doujin artist starts drawing a comic where Yuki, Mikuru and Haruhi all brawl each other into a bloodied frenzy for Kyon. Here, have a Canadian National Boxer.

Haaadooo Geiiiiii!!!

Fooooooooo! Its time for some Hard Gay action, and this is such an appropriate homage to our favourite man in black leather. He’s been cosplayed by countless people and even made an appearance in the Cultural Festival episode in the Haruhi anime. Now, if you look at Itsuki, you can just spot his tinge of excitement as he is doing the Hip thrust. No doubt, Itsuki did that thrust VERY enthusiastically towards Kyon’s position. I know I made some of you throw up your dinner by making such a blatant Yaoi reference, please do send the cleaning bill to me. What impressed me most about this sequence was that it wasn’t just any half-assed thrust, but all three in the scene did it with honour and enthusiasm, as all Hado Gei thrusts should be done. Heck, they are even smiling.

Masenko!!!

Props to our mate Danny (once again), for reminding me what Gohan’s special move was called. As it was the very first thing to pop into my mind when the three of them did the cross palms at the camera. If you have not seen Gohan’s Masenko, then you have not truly appreciated the full GARness of Son Gohan, first son of Goku. Basically, he harnesses the power of the sun, and his personal Chi to do to some wicked uber attack of intense light and heat to vapourize anything in it’s path. This move was only executed by the young Gohan, whom we all choose to remember, as opposed to the nerdy, shitty Teen Gohan and his vile crap of a girlfriend. Haruhi, Yuki and Kyon are at Phase two of the Masenko special, that is, they’ve probrably destroyed six building in front of them after releasing the energy beam.

I hope my body can take it.

As if the Dragonball Z tribute wasn’t awesome already, its then followed up by a martial stance which is a signature pose by Goku. Now, to most readers who practice real martial arts, the stance which Yuki is taking is known as the “Tiger Stance”, with the hooked fists representing a Tiger’s claws digging in. For Dragonball Z oldies like myself, we have seen that signature stance of Goku’s more times than we’ve heard Mikuru squeak nervously in the series. We see that pose a lot in the manga, but if you were unfortunate to miss the manga, the only pose superimposed in your mind right now, would most probrably be the standing, and fists closed, powering up pose. The picture, was of course taken from the true roots of the Grandaddy of Shounen. If you are wondering, they are still on Namek.

FROM PARIS TO BERLIN, MY HEART IS PUMPING FOR LOVE

PUMPING FOR LO-oh, my bad. That was the main vibe I got from this particular sequence of the ED. The girls are all tired from all the references, synchronized poses and parodies, and what better way to unwind than doing a completely incoherent jig that looked like it came straight from a doped-up raver from Ibiza? I surely can’t think of any better way. This sequence is particularly awesome for Haruhi, as she totally takes the opportunity to go all out with her little rain-dance jig. I suspect, of course that somebody spiked her peach juice with some liquid meth prior to shooting, and the drugs are finally taking eff-OMG IS THAT A LEPRECHAUN!??

God Knows - Wrong, She doesn’t.

“What is the meaning of Life?”, “God Knows”. I hate to break it to all of you, but apparently she doesn’t. In this scene, Existencialists, Holy Men and Atheists collide for a collective jaw-drop to the floor. The answer we have all been waiting for is here, God doesn’t know. Controversially blasphemous talk aside, Haruhi is of course adopting the famous, “Who the fuck knows?” pose. This pose forms part of the 4chan meme archive, with spinoffs like “Loli Dotn Know” or even image macros of real life Japanese TV presenters doing the pose. Its a direct reference to the sayings of many cultures that their Holy Entity holds the answers to the world’s ailments and shortcomings. This isn’t just a freak shot of her in this pose, she lingers in the “Srsly guys, I have NFI” pose for at least a couple of seconds. God knows what she was thinking when she did that.

Pride of the German Airforce - The Luftwaffe

Towards the end of the ED, Haruhi and gang get a bit World Domination on the viewers. They assert their superiority by spreading their arms apart. This is what male peacocks (lol cock) do with their tails, to lay claim to territory and perhaps mate with a peacock babes, its also what male gorrilas do to make themselves seem larger. This got me thinking seriously, about the time Haruhi came out, it was such a big deal and the hype spread around most, if not all anime communities. At the same time, many rose to stem the hype by dismissing it as Moe Propaganda. Reminds me of history, when the Nazis used propaganda to steamroll their way into Western Europe, with few nations (anti-Haruhiists) opposing it (a.k.a Allies). Then it hit me! The Haruhi crew were imitating aircraft. And, There was no pivotal airforce like the Nazi’s Luftwaffe, which played massive roles during the Blitzkrieg operations.

The Haruhi Blitz - What a way to finish.

For a long time after the Haruhi craze, people who made Haruhi posts were declared as trolls, fanboys or too late for the bandwagon. It was almost taboo to speak of the anime for a brief period in the community. It was the same for Germany after the fall of the Third Reich (saying the “N” word even today can get you into some social scuttle). However, before I take this into sensitive territory, regardless of what is satired in this guide, there is absolutely nothing to be taken lightly about the heroics and steadfast nature about troops and individuals on both sides of the war, as they gave their lives for both their causes and homeland. That aside, the anime community cannot ignore the crater caused by Haruhi’s entrance into the anime scene, whether or not you are a Haruhiist or not. Much like Evangelion was heralded as the biggest to hit the anime scene, Haruhi Suzumiya no Yuutsu became the community’s biggest focus for quite a while in our time.

In many ways, this reminded me very much of Hitler, because although he was a fragile, troubled and deranged individual, he was the man which changed the face of history and literally, took on the world. Haruhi took on the anime world, passing off moe, archetypical, standard generics and all the anime tricks in the bag to satire and parody whatever the anime industry had offered Otakus so far. I wont go as far as saying she changed the face of the anime world, but her impact is very real and it will be strengthened come season 2. What’s eerie is that aside from the obvious Nazi Hailing stance which Haruhi is doing (she is missing her armband though, for maximum effect), is that there are Four people kneeling before “Haruhi the Conqueror”; This can be seen to represent the Four countries that Hitler completely conqured: France, Belgium, Denmark and Poland.

Goodbye! and Thanks for Reading this Guide.

Cheers,

Darkshaunz