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  • Ikkitousen Dragon Destiny - 03 & 04 - Sticky Keyboards Ahoy!

    Posted on March 29th, 2007 by Darkshaunz - 16,261 Views
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    Darkshaunz loev Double D goodness

    Score: 9.0 - For Both (Burn, Burn, Burning!!!)

    If there’s one facet of University life I love, is the calming almost carefree starting weeks of the semester…followed by an Unforgiving torrent of assessment and groupwork towards the Mid-semester. This would be the reason for my delayed delivery of Ikkitousen Double D goodness. There’s nothing like returning home to a tiring, unthankful and hectic day at University and just unwinding to Gratuitious ecchi, seriously. Watching skirts go up, racks collide and sexy voices ringing in your ears is like Yoga therapy, minus the weird poses and with a whole lot more Hawt. Even now, Ikkitousen still has some of the most well animated jubblies and “I see France’s” this side to Tokyo. Alas, This entry will be a brief one encompassing both eps 3 & 4 as I have a bastard of an 8am start for tomorrow’s classes. Shazbot.

    Loving the Camera work.

    Good Glasses Girl becomes Psychotic Rabid Dragon and Chained Up

    I knew that one day, the cookie eating glasses girl would absolutely snap. This psychopathism isn’t helped by Ryoumu (Eyepatch-Rei version 2.0) kicking down Chouhi and doing battle with Kan-U. But hey it is Ikki-TOUSEN, so we have to have some form of obligatory fight scene somewhere in there. Long story short, in a short skirmish against Kan-U, Ryuubi (The Good Glasses Girl) does a “Twig Snap” of mental proportions and transforms into Psycho-Dragonlady-Mon (The Digimon all guys fear, of losing their balls that is). According to the episode, if you look like Rei and are wearing an Eyepatch whilst looking at the Dragonlady, your patched eye will start bleeding profusely. I am sure this has something to do with her eye being sensitive to dragon energy or some shit, but then again, I don’t exactly pay attention to the plot (I do believe there is one laying around).

    Like all Crazy Dragon Ladies, she gets chained up in some seedy looking bondage backdrop, by that I mean of course a 16th century medieval dungeon prison which comes standard at all Mountain Shrine high schools (don’t have one at your local shrine? order today). According to Master Ewok (Kan-U’s height challenged master), the Jade Ryoumu was carrying had awakened Ryuubi’s inner dragon and now seeks the Jade. But since they don’t have any Dragonballs lying around (Har har), they decided that the best course of action was to starve her to near death before releasing her. Damn, why didn’t I think of that brilliant plan? Its possibly because I lack not only an illegal torture dungeon, but also a mouth-foaming Dragonlady. Due to the fact that she is actually part of a plot (lol seriously), she can’t stay as the kinky dragon lady at the bottom of the shrine forever, and eventually turns back to her face-stuffing self. Maybe next time she can get kidnapped or possessed.

    Oh baby.

    Rei-chan, what nice eyes you hav-Ewwww its bleeding.

    “….She was a Draaagonnn, she was a Draaagoonn Woman” (sung to the tune of Trogdor).

    A Wild Trap Appears, oh and another unnecessary Sex scene

    The Blonde guy in Sousou’s Posse make his “social” rounds, meeting Cheongsam-chan (Oh God she’s hawt) and discussing something of plot-importance, as if I’ll be paying ANY attention to that, she has killer thighs. We are then taken to what looks like an 18th century cathedral, because apparently they are super-common in Japan. Blonde guy is seen talking to a guy who looks like a girl (Japan, you bastards), either that or this wheelchair dude got a head transplant from a killer looking blonde babe. The next scene is made of lolz, mainly because he is sexing the slutgirl now in Room 404, awww c’mon now, this is just asking for it. Here I go, ERROR 404 HAWT NOT FOUND. The guy never even tries to look pleasured when the slutgirl is doing him, I have heard of fail before, but this just takes the cake. In fact, I have to say I feel compelled to scroll the time slider forward whenever a scene like that pops up.

    Its a guy, even though his name is Maria. Its a GUY.

    Errorcode nerds will have a field day.

    Not pictured: Blonde man enjoying getting laid.

    Blonde guy Dies, REVENGE!!! and Hakufu’s fine Ass

    On a rainy night in Tokyo, the Blonde guy goes out for a walk after getting laid (It sucked that much that even walking in the rain was more exciting). He passes a girl who is wearing an orange jacket, and the scene goes into a slow-mo thing…let me guess, another loose-plot-related fight is coming on. To my absolute delight, the girl who attacked him conveniently lost her jacket to reveal some serious boobage, I don’t know where she does her shopping, but she really needs to listen to the retail assistants when they say, “Excuse me miss, your boobs look like they are about to explode from the seams”. Her specialty is chains and poisons, aside from the obvious talent of choosing clothing two sizes too small (hey, I am not complaining). She tries to stab him, but he manages to intercept the lunge with his bare hands (kinda GAR), he then proceeds to drive his fist into her rack (GAR) and push into it until she’s in some kind of half-elated/half-suffering state of salivating (GAR and HAWT).

    Uh yeah, something plot important is happ-Omg srsly hawt rack.

    Boob Grab +5 hit Combo.

    Suddenly, our hero feels like a pot of crap, and the reason is because the blade he intercepted earlier was lined with a poisonous substance, like Politicians’ lies. He then falls to the ground, dying and the Tight-Tank top girl drives a blade into his heart, I’d imagine having a guy’s prying fist inside one of her breasts was something worthy of such a wrathful retaliation. Slutgirl finds her sextoy dead on the street and reports it to Sousou and Ton, who are sitting on the beach crying over his death. Sousou, being the jerk who thinks with his fists and not his brain, decides to launch a full scale attack on the Four Devas at Hakufu’s school. The episode ends with Hakufu jumping at her cousin with Mortal Kombat fury, so much so that there was an actual Morrtaallll Kombattt!!! Dragon logo now on the school track field. Also being Ikkitousen, it meant that she must fall down clumsily to reveal her panties to all viewers, I mean seriously….the only thing to complete the cycle is Agent Aika R16 Virgin Mission (or whatever the new Aika series is called).

    You’re breaking my Hearrrrtttt!

    Ton’s Manly Tears.

    Hakufu’s Household - MILF and Clueless Cousin to boot

    We are now entering the 4th episode, which follows up with previous events such as the death of Blonde dude. Ton, the guy with a skull cross eye patch decides now would be a great time to remember the good times he had with Kakuka (Blonde dude), the main memories he has is just how Blonde dude seems to score all the good looking girls, I guess they must share a really deep rooted friendship. After crying to himself for the loss of his dear comrade (not really), he runs into slutgirl who doesn’t seem to care that she just lost her sex toy, being an the ice-queen, “Go kill stuff now, Boss said so, k?” was all she said. Ton, who really has had a BAD day doesn’t feel up to fighting anyone at the moment. Meanwhile at Hakufu’s house, Sonsaku’s mother (MILF) is healing her daughter’s wounds from jumping off the roof. Sonsaku is just hilarious, I mean its just a lame and shallow kind of slapstick humour, but she is honestly the best thing to watch if you’ve had a runner of a day (and she kind of looks like a Grown-up momo from Manabi, or so I’ve heard). Also, anime once again teaches us that calling your MILF mother an “Old Hag”, or she’ll ram your face through the sliding door and throw it at you (in a loving, maternal way of course).

    Yarrrr, it’d be Pirate’s life for me!

    Incest. Incest. Incest.

    Hakufu then decides to evade flying sliding doors (a common thing over in Japan), to sexily purr at Koukin. Koukin’s a pretty lucky guy, living with such a ridiculously clumsy, child-like soul in a body of a well developed godsauce woman, he must get a good dose of entertainment and boners every day (thats the life). As Hafuku is peeing (Yes, if you thought sex scenes were “0.0″ worthy, try peeing scenes), Crows attack her home. Crows, otherwise known for their docile nature, suddenly attack people for no reason, as they do in anime Japan. Big boss of the crow brigade, otherwise known as “Generic Looking Rock Star Man” decides to make chauvinistic remarks and green electric kamehameha orbs. In the midst of all the ruckus, the MILF appears to break the rave party up. Unfortunately for the Generic Rock Star Villain, he called her an “Old Hag”. Uh oh. What followed was so violent and bloody, that the camera panned away from the action and all we would hear were bones getting cracked into itty bitty pieces. Ton pays a visit and tells his Crow homies to GTFO his MILF-pad (like a real man would). Ton then exchanges some kind guest-like words and tells them that Sousou is out to eat their faces, because one of their chicks killed Blonde guy (Oh the web of deceit!). Apparently Zhuge Liang was reborn as a loli, and it was her that was planning this inter-school war all along (slaps forehead).

    Thats right Koukin, make it all better for her. =O~~

    Goku called, he wants his move back.

    Don’t little girls have better things to do nowadays?

    Commando Lolis and Ambiguous Lady standing by some random Door

    Apparently, Cheongsam-chan has had a pretty bad past. If my interpretation of the scenes are right, she was about to get Violated by some jungle guerilla, who got shot repeatedly by her at point blank. That should teach that grimey bastard to even consider getting down on a Guerilla warfare commando loli, though if Ikkitousen Dragon Destiny had much moar firearms, that would have made the series even more mind-blowingly entertaining. Then, we are taken to Kan-U cleaning herself, I guess this is the closest thing we will get to a Ryoumu shower scene for her, but anything is a plus if Kan-U’s on screen. However, something else catches our attention in the form of the ambiguously vague lady standing at the door. We can’t see her face, heck we can’t even see her massive rack clearly (this saddens me, possibly also in my pants). My guess is, she is that Blind Swordswoman we see in the Introduction sequence, I say this because her vest, ribbon and long grey hair kind of give it away. Who knows! I could be absolutely wrong, it could be a midget inside a flesh suit for all I know. However, I would hope to God I am very, very wrong about the midget in a flesh suit.

    Pedobear: 0 Jungle Combat Loli: 1

    Sousou caught her with her pant(ie)s down.

    Archer Loli is here!

    Episode 4 ends with Ryoumu at the graveyard farewelling some other hot combat vixen I don’t know, probrably because I didn’t watch the entire First season. Yeah, I am beginning to think that if they keep making past-season references, I really will just turn off my brain completely. Ryoumu then turns around to see this young child in gothloli garb and a suspiciously large instrument case. She pauses for a moment to ascertain whether or not she is a threat. Well now, lets see….the sky is in an Eerie BLOOD RED and there’s a little girl in Gothloli garb looking Right at you with what looks like a Cello case which is most likely housing a Bazooka or a Spear. Here’s a raging clue for my beloved Eyepatch-chan - ITS an Enemy. Just like my amazing detective skills suspected, it was actually housing a Longbow! Now the Gothloli Archer (Legolass) is ready to shoot a piece of hell into Rei-chan version 2.0. So join me next week as we seek out the exciting conclusion to Mortal Kombat. In the Graveyard. I am promising yet more unnecessary clothes ripping and Loli violence, bring some cake.

    Yes Eyepatch-Rei-chan! She’s an evil baby-devouring lolita!



    PS: Downloading Bleach 120 as this post goes up, Rukia better be okay! or I swear Worlds will tear asunder.

    15 comments to “Ikkitousen Dragon Destiny - 03 & 04 - Sticky Keyboards Ahoy!”

    Please use <spoiler></spoiler> tags when appropriate, thanks!

    1. I swear this is the perfect countermeasure to ‘300′. Yeah, everyone and their MILF knows that buff men should know how to throw down but they’re nothing in the face of Ikkitousen’s highschool combat vixens.

      Sorry bout Rukia but we all know she’ll be up soon, ne?

    2. “Its a guy, even though his name is Maria. Its a GUY.”

      ¿¿¿are you serious???

      I will have to rewatch the episode…. O__O

      when Hakufu jumped from the roof and I saw the Dragon logo the first thing I thought was the “Morrtaallll Kombattt!!!” thing lol

      “Episode 4 ends with Ryoumu at the graveyard farewelling some other hot combat vixen”

      That was Ryofu, Ryoumu lost her virgnity to her, so.. she still thinking about her …lol

      Awesome Post dude :)

    3. Looking back on the episode Hakufu does looks like a Grown-up Momo from Manabi straight

      good observation :D

    4. @Arakan7: Haha yeah its the Yang to 300’s Ying. Also, Rukia is hopefully awrrightt.

      @Tabi Karasu: Thanks for dropping by as usual bro! Good to see an oldskool gamer picked up the Mortal Kombat reference as well. We’re a rare breed these days! :D

    5. Haha, love the review. This series looks badass.

      I seriously need to check this series out once I get my connection fixed!!

    6. Oh yeah, before I forget: ‘Maria’ is a girl. (I checked…-_-;;;;)
      Anyway…if you will recall using DW5 references, Sima Yi wore, for all purposes, a dress. They decided to ‘flip’ the oddity for Ikkitousen’s Shiba-I.

    7. MILF FTW!!!!
      this is first episode i managed to dload actually, but forget the continuity and story… Fights/Gals remove the burden of sane thought from your mind here…

    8. @Sean: Go for it bro! If anything, watch it for laughs!

      @Arakan7: Reverse Trap ftw. Also, my “brother downstairs” is officially confused. Damn those Ikkitousen writers!

      @ewok: I completely agree 100%, in my opinion in the last episode they all need to fight naked for no reason whatsoever. That way, its a memorable finish (sticky finish too).

    9. I was hoping for Gothloli Archer-ko to whisper “it has begun” just to complete the Mortal Kombat references. U_U

      By the bye if you worry about Rukia in ep120, wait till they animate chapter 267 of the manga.

    10. @Gary Ee: Much thanks for the heads up Gary. Though there was no resolution to Rukia’s predicament this week, and there’s no ep next week (Damnit!).

      Also, if the Gothloli Archer-ko does land a critical hit on Rei-chan version 2.0, I want her to say “Fatility” or “Now to Finish You!”. Before I go, Sub Zero for the fucking win.

    11. Just watched the first episode, not too shabby. ;-) Guess I’ll stick with it so I can read your freaking long ass and detailed and funny and- posts..

    12. @Danny: You’re a healthy young man as I suspected. Also, Boobies!

    13. Bloodhound Gang would love it…

    14. LOL what the heck. Now I want to watch this as well ^^

    15. Nude Clip, Ryomo and hakufu

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